The Carter Spot

Throw in some more naked pics

2012-01-30T02:37:00.000-08:00

Hadn't posted in a day or two and wasn't feeling very creative. Figure I'd throw in a picture to make up for it.

In the Condo I rented in Vegas this took place on more then one occasion

Don't make her cum from cunnilingus and other sex talk

2012-01-27T02:50:00.000-08:00

Men, such as myself constantly fuck up dates and relationships. We are self-destructive. Don't be self destructive. I will touch on a few common mistakes.

1. Don't be needy. Nothing comes off worse than needy. Lets say you call/txt and she doesn't return it. Don't call again or text again for at least a few days. No response? Delete her number. That way when she calls or texts back, it is "who is this?" On your part. That plays to humans at the deepest level. Don't ask me why that works, just know that it works.

2. If you haven't slept with a girl after 2 or 3 or 4 dates, give it up! Somewhere you have messed up, and you probably aren't going to fuck her at all. If your goal is to sleep with her/be with her, give one last all-out effort, pulling out all the tricks and going for it with no cares of looking foolish, or overly aggressive, and if that doesn't work, sever ties. You are not going to sleep with her. Once a girl has made up her mind not to sleep with you, it is not going to happen. There is this deep, dark, unforgiving wormhole that women throw men into that they have decided not to sleep with. While it is not impossible to get out of there, it is not a recommended pursuit. The girl has made up her mind. Would she have fucked Brad Pitt already? If you answer yes, then at some point you fucked up.

3. Jealousy. Everyone gets jealous. If a girl is hot, do you really think you are the only one who has noticed? People have to realize that if you are dating someone, they will most likely like someone else. Do you stop liking someone else because you are in a relationship? If you are in a relationship their needs to be guidelines to stick to (or she has to stick to), but keep in mind that there is a very good chance she will cheat on you.A very, very good chance. Just remember that. Girls are going to be seeing other guys. Seeing usually = sleeping with. Don't be naive. Unless you are "exclusive" then you probably have kissed her the same day she sucked someone else's dick. And even if you are exclusive, you probably still have.

4. You gotta quit taking shit from hot girls. Hot girls have been conditioned to think they can do whatever they want, whenever they want. Why do they think that? Because people let them. You have to understand what is tolerable. If a girl is a fatty, or not really that good looking are you going to put up with shit from her? No, right? So why are you taking it from a hot girl. How easy is it to sleep with a girl who you don't care what she thinks, treat her however you want and don't put up with shit from her? Easy, right? If an ugly girl stood you up, would you want to see her again? Yet nearly everyone would put up with it from a hot girl. But thats where you are wrong. You set the precedent, she will continue to walk all over you. Delete her number, don't call her again. Quit justifying what she did in your head. Can't tell you how many times I have sat around trying to justify a girls actions (usually flakey) in my head because I still wanted to be with her and see her. People do have emergencies, yes, but girls do lie far more than guys on stuff like that. If your going to sit around and think about her, it is very easy to convince yourself what she did was okay. That is where you are wrong. You are just setting yourself up for failure, with her, and in the future with others.

5. Take control. You can give me that "strong women" bullshit as much as you want, but for every strong dominant woman, there is a stronger more dominant man. I suggest to be that man. Be decisive. Arguments start from being indecisive. Make up your mind and stick to it. Girls like to say shit like "I don't know where to eat, or i dont know what I should wear". Fucking tell her then. "You look good in the red dress, wear that. We are going to go eat at the Mexican joint down the street." Bam, conversation finished. It's not complicated. That is what people want to hear anyways. Girls, guys, everyone wants people to make decisions for them. So why can't you be that decision maker?

6. Women like to argue and throw tantrums. Did your mom let you win when you started crying and rolling around on the floor when throwing a tantrum? No? I suggest you don't either. Have you ever had an argument with a girl? No amount of rationality works. Women are irrational, that is as much a law as gravity. The more you try and argue, the more worked up a girl gets. You have to be unemotional. Make your point and stand by it.

Now I have laid some groundwork on what to do not to fuck your relationship or dating situation before you fuck her, or before you continue fucking her.

So now you get the date, things are going great. You get her back to your place, now what?

When sex seems to be on the horizon, often times it is either really late (or early depending on how lame you are) and the girl is starting to think more logically. The whole night before has been an experience, and unless it was one of those guaranteed fucks from the get go, you might have to go through a process. If so, there comes a point when her logic starts to kick in, "I shouldn't be doing this" she will say, or you can see she is thinking "what the fuck am I doing?". At this point you need to jam her brain full of emotional shit, "oh baby I love to kiss you", "your body is so amazing", "feels so good when we touch". Women tend to react positively to shit like that. That gets their mind off of "OMG WHAT AM I DOING" and to thinking about how she is physically feeling, while getting some feel goods from the compliments.

But then it is always some murphys law shit. I.e, her girlfriends/mom/someone else call her, or her she has to be up early in the morning, or forgot to feed her dog. She is looking for an out. It is your job not to let her have one. Ignore it, she wouldn't be here if it mattered that much. In terms of phone calls, those are some of the worst mood killers. And if I know one thing about girls, it is that they nearly always answer the goddamn phone. Don't stop whatever your doing. Continue kissing her, kiss her neck, kiss her body. This accomplishes three things, first it doesn't kill the mood and it may heighten it, and it takes away time from her to think about what she is doing and change her mind while she is on the phone. And third, it makes her hurry the fuck up. Most girls do not want to be talking on the phone to their mom when their pussy is becoming moist.

You dont want the self doubt, questions, etc. She might remember that her boyfriend loves her. You don't want that. Thinking is what makes the bad outcomes. You want the good outcome, simply put you cannot let her mind wander. I cannot stress that enough.

Now on to more specifics:

If you don't know how to unhook a bra with one hand, pull it down with your teeth, then she'll undo it herself.

A girl will nearly always let you unbutton her pants when you are kissing her stomach, her breasts, etc. But when you do it when you are kissing her mouth she will instantly start to think of sex (damn movies). For some women this might be a deal breaker. She is thinking you want sex. While that should be obvious, people seem to underestimate the simplicity of women (or men) at times. While they may realize it, their "conscience" doesn't want you reaching down to unbutton her pants while kissing her. Therefore, I reccomend unless sex is merely a formality, and there is no way she will back out at the last minute, to unbutton her pants while you are kissing her body.

When taking a girls pants off, take her underwear off with it, If they dont come off then, they wont ever come off. Nothing is worse then taking her pants off, then having her not want to take her underwear off. Thus, you take her pants and underwear off at the same time.

This is when you can go down on her if you so choose and want to increase your risk of cancer. Never make her cum from oral sex, unless you dont want to get any. If you make her cum, unless she is like my ex who would cum 5-6x every time we have sex, the party is over. You do not want the party to be over. You gotta get your dick wet too.

In terms of eating pussy, make sure you have already done a field test first. I suggest using your finger, then discretely smelling your finger. I know this sounds pretty high school, but you don't want to go down on a girl only to have it wreaking of high heaven and come back up looking like an idiot. Rarely ever does a girls pussy taste good. Remember this. You may think yours does, but you were lied to. Off the top of my head, I can think of two girls.

Take your time. While the actual act of sex can take from a minute to an hour or more, you have to take your time during foreplay. The longer the warm up, the better the actual sex will be. Likely the shorter too...but that is fine. If you are both near climax upon insertion, THAT IS A GOOD THING. It however is not a good thing if only you are. That is the problem most men have: They are far closer to orgasm then the girl is. That is why I recommend if you are going to eat pussy, due it immediately before sex. You ever seen the look of frustration on a girls face when she is about to cum, and you cum first instead and she doesn't get off? Women can get headaches too. Men get blue balls, women get headaches. Trying to climax together is always a noble effort, but I recommend her cumming first, at least by a few seconds. Do your kegel exercises and hold of cumming until she has came, and then cum as soon as can you thereafter. If you feel like you are about to cum and the girl is not, switch so she is on top instead of you (if she is not already) or some variation of this. It is a lot easier for a girl to get off on top then on bottom, and for most guys it usually takes a bit longer. I know how weird it feels to keep fucking after you have came, but if you do happen to cum first, this is what I recommend. Your dick will still be hard for at least a minute or two, and you can make the girl get off possibly also. Once again, good outcomes.

You can put a condom on, you can not..I don't really know how to smoothly put a condom while not changing the heat of the moment, because frankly, I dont wear them. Would you put a bag over your grandmothers head?

Remember this, the first time a couple has sex, it generally isn't that great. But if you get the girl ready first, your chances of success (female orgasm) are a lot greater. While that isn't the end all be all, and while some girls are nearly impossible to get off, and while some you would have to try not to get them off, it is still a pretty good way to judge your performance. But after the first time? Don't be too hard on yourself. Unless you are Superman in bed like me, there takes some getting used to each others bodies. While there are general guidelines to women, and to men, such as women like more foreplay, and men like blowjobs, those aren't absolute rules. I have had girlfriends who get in the mood faster then me, i.e by the time I could get my pants off she was already dripping wet, and apparently there are some crazy men out there who don't like blowjobs. Just because one girl needs you to call her a "dirty slut" while biting her nipples and choking her for her to get off, doesn't mean it comes recommended to try that on a girl the first time you have sex.

Everyone wants to have sex. Girls just don't want be judged.

Worst part about Jail

2012-01-23T02:50:00.001-08:00

The worst part about being in jail was trying to masturbate to women's basketball on the communal tv. It's a really dumb idea in the first place, and while it's not impossible to finish, it takes a long time... And you just hope that the old deaf guy in front of you with the remote changes it to women's soccer or Telemundo.

Pictures, Pictures, then more Pictures

2012-01-23T01:06:00.000-08:00

Sign at bar in Bangkok

Below is where I grew up in Majestic Central Oregon

Sporting Hair Extensions and 20 Extra lbs in Dominican Republic

Machu Picchu

My old house in Bali Indonesia , hard at work

Too much of a good thing, is a good thing

Pattaya Zoo, he is high as a kite:(

EDC Vegas 2011

Lost so many computers, I can't even find unedited pictures of myself

Below pictured as a Ladyboy for Halloween 2010

Can't run on a treadmill in Asia

Sign Entering Thailand from Cambodia

Cambodia: Well at least it is Anti...

Follow me on twittter

2012-01-22T00:36:00.000-08:00

Follow me on Twitter at https://twitter.com/#!/cartergillI am funny. Also, more followers= more pictures I post, such as this one

Except I will post with faces. Which breast of yours is bigger? It looks like this girls right breast. Feel free to send me a picture of your breasts (or your girlfriends) at bhgill41@hotmail.com.

Serious post must be immediately followed by this

2012-01-21T00:38:00.000-08:00

I just blogged on a serious subject. That is kind of the opposite of who I have been in the past. Just as not to offend my base viewers (or lack-there-of) I will include a very "un"serious post. Here are some girls I fucked>>>

However I have a feeling you were already looking at the girls before you read what I wrote:(

Would you believe that the only one of them I did not sleep with was the Asian one? Strange huh?

On the left is a picture of a girls tits who really pissed me off. Those are some nice tits, especially for a Thai girl. The only Thai girl I have slept with who is a natural D Cup!

Below are things that happen on my bed.

I might have posted some of these before. If I did I apologize. Not that any of you are complaining. But don't worry, there are plenty more, and I will gladly keep you updated.

Why the NDAA is needed, and why if you oppose it you are retarded

2012-01-20T23:50:00.000-08:00

I apologize for the use of retarded in the headline, I just couldn't think of a more fitting word to describe the naysayers. Let me preface this by saying that there are issues with the NDAA. That is not debatable. The language allows for interpretation, and President Obama was correct in having hesitations to signing it. But he did sign it. Why you might ask? Because he had to. Let me explain why.

Congress passed the NDAA with a VETO PROOF MAJORITY. They voted a whopping 87 percent in favor of the bill. The initial bill, the GOP House fucktards proposed was, to say the it lightly heinous. If you want to be utterly disgusted, skip to the Counterterrorism section on page 567. After reading this, if you don't (after catching your breath of course, seeing what the GOP in the house actually wanted to do) "get down on your knees and thank the lucky stars above that we have a president with the political ability to get House teabagger Republicans to sign onto a bill with a provision that doesn’t actually change current practice" then you are wrong.

In my view, people as a whole are ignorant sheep. Everyone wanted to jump on the bandwagon and blast President Obama for signing the bill without taking into consideration what would have happened if he had not. The NDAA is a must pass bill. The bill does not somewhat help with military funding, it literally funds the military. Even if you are a staunch anti-war ideologist like myself, that does not hold any water in this discussion, unless you personally believe that every veteran, and their families should suffer also. NDAA includes paychecks for our military veterans. It includes paying for equipment and gear for our service members abroad. This is not specifically war, this is also our "good neighbor" missions. It also includes funding intelligence agencies and contractors who actually work against real terrorists. This means that if Obama does not pass the NDAA then soldiers can’t eat. The NDAA also included, for the first time provisions to address sexual assault in the military. It allows for servicewomen who are raped to transfer to a new base and not be forced to stay with her rapist. Beforehand she could not change bases. This is not an exaggeration, this is the truth. My question to you guys who talked shit about it, are you all retarded, or just uninformed?

Here is where the problem lies to most people: Indefinite Detention. And here is what I say to most people: Shut the fuck up.

The parts of this bill that many people hate were included against the President's wishes by Republican legislators and in a way that he is powerless to stop.Lets take a look at it.

b) Applicability to United States Citizens and Lawful Resident Aliens- (1) UNITED STATES CITIZENS- The requirement to detain a person in military custody under this section does not extend to citizens of the United States.(2) LAWFUL RESIDENT ALIENS- The requirement to detain a person in military custody under this section does not extend to a lawful resident alien of the United States on the basis of conduct taking place within the United States, except to the extent permitted by the Constitution of the United States.

Thus if the president (obviously obama wouldn't) decided to change the interpretation of "requirement", this section limits the scope of what he could do. f) Requirement for Briefings of Congress- The Secretary of Defense shall regularly brief Congress regarding the application of the authority described in this section, including the organizations, entities, and individuals considered to be `covered persons' for purposes of subsection.

The NDAA is a mess of vague language. 1032 says who is covered by 1031 and it specifically exempts US Citizens. For good measure, section 1022 also provides that its purported presumption of military detention “does not extend to citizens of the United States.

Two pages of the 565 were (significantly) flawed. If your main concern is appearance, and not results, then quit reading my blog right now. You are better off uninformed.

People seem to be worried that if arrested, they will end up in military detention, and this will allow it to occur. Wake up people. This is the same as what has been in place since 2001 through the AUMF. The NDAA therefore does not affect, the unresolved questions raised in the Padillaand al-Marri cases. Whether the AUMF authorizes the long-term military detention of U.S. citizens and lawful resident aliens who are apprehended in the United States. President Obama states “it is the firm position of the Obama Administration that suspected terrorists arrested inside the United States will—in keeping with long-standing tradition—be processed through our Article III courts, as they should be,” and that “when it comes to U.S. citizens involved in terrorist-related activity, whether they are captured overseas or at home, we will prosecute them in our criminal justice system.”

If President Obama vetoed it, IT WOULDN'T MATTER. They had 87 percent in approval of the bill, they only need a 2/3rds vote to put it in law. Thus if he did veto it, it would be an exercise in futility, since (while it is possible they would make provisions) the congress would just put the law into act anyway. I am just dumbfounded by the levels of stupidity I see from everyone, blaming President Obama for this. It just shows a basic FAIL at understanding anything about the political system. I am not even a big Obama supporter, outside of his sexy abs, I wanted Clinton to win, because then we would have the best President in the history of the United States back in the White House (Bill obv) albeit as the first man. But I digress;

While I am not one who will stand up for an archaic (okay just getting a rise out of you) Constitution, I do think that our rights have eroded. Laws regarding wire-tapping I am not in support of. But you'd have to be crazy to think the right to a trialis going to fall. We still have the right to counsel, and to post bond, and there is habeas corpus, the right to be heard if you claim you are unlawfully held. Crime is referred to the court of jurisdiction. Acts of terror, weapons, or conspiracy, etc, already fall under federal jurisdiction, which means the charge is referred to the court of the federal district in which the alleged crime occurred. So you'd be doing a bid at Riker's, not Guantanamo.

Obama has played the house GOP like a fiddle. The military budget is getting whacked, the Bush tax cuts are going to expire, and the Tea Party was exposed as a bunch of dangerous nihilists. People need to remember that President Obama doesn’t make laws. Congress makes laws. So if you want better laws that don’t clearly violate the constitution and infringe on civil liberties, we need a better Congress that the one that just essentially forced the President to sign a bill he didn’t want to.

Please go vote in November. Lets get rid of a few of these GOP members who seem so hell-bent on on undermining the Presidents authority, so Obama can actually do what he set out to do. So I ask once again, are you all retarded? Please just quit randomly spewing hatred towards (and I understand the irony of me just using retard) people and things that you know nothing about.

Nothing to do but sit back and watch as nothing at all changes.

"It's been a while since I've seen you, so how have you been? "

2011-12-29T12:14:00.000-08:00

I have not posted a blog in a long time. Looking back at the dates in which I posted, it looks like I last posted during the time all the media hoopla regarding me getting banned from the main event was going on. It really bothers me even thinking about that...that was a bad week or two in my life. I made a mistake and payed dearly for it. But the simple facts that the girl recanted her entire statement and stated it was a lie, and the severity of the ban made me realize that there is no way they do not reinstate me....right? Planning on sending the letter in a few days and getting back in time for the WSOP this summer.

So what is new with me? Sadly, it seems to be a lot of the same. Trying to get into a different field, but not really making any substantial progress as of yet. However, i have made significant progress in one of the most important things in life: Health. This morning I was looking through my old insanity workouts under which I had marked my weight; mind you that I never entirely completed the workout since I had to go traveling, but I was quite surprised when looking at my weight: 235 at the start of the insanity workout about 11 months ago. I now weigh 199. I don't think I am in great shape right now, but to be fair, now, I actually look for opportunities to take my shirt off, as oppose to then when I would basically hated taking my shirt off. Being in good shape is going to help me in a few of my next plans: A foray into reality television, and being a male stripper. That sounds like a joke most likely to you guys, but I am being literally 100 pct serious. I can't think of a better job then one which consists of A: good pay, B: rubbing my cock in women's faces. How could that not be awesome? And when you have the body to do it, can you blame me? Of course I would play poker on the side, but I never viewed poker as what I was. Instead it was always a way of getting to where I wanted to go. The freedom from poker has allowed me to travel more then any 3 people you know most likely, and frankly, I just don't desire it in the same way I have before.

I recently went back to the United States for the holidays, and so far my day looks like this;

11 am: Wake up. Drink coffee and check facebook. Message a lot of local girls trying to get them to flake on their boyfriends and hangout with me. Check emails, and oregonlive.com about up to date Blazer news. Visit NBA.com. Message more girls.

12: Short morning workout. Jog 1-3 miles. If I ran on the lower side of the spectrum, finish up running sets of sprints uphill.

1: No shower. Just let the sweat soak in. Play some online poker. Grind out the limited options available for Americans, and hope that Phil Hellmuth was right about online poker being back in America soon. Make a quick lunch/breakfast in the kitchen, usually consisting of either a cheese sandwich and an apple, or yogurt jalapeno dip on bread or chips (honestly the best thing ever), and more coffee.

5: Finish poker. Go do the insanity workout on mute on the DVD player on my computer, while using the big screen to watch NBA games at the same time. I also can text girls I'm trying to hook up with while doing body weight squats/30 second breaks during the workout. Tri-tasking ftw. I am probably the only guy who watches two movies at the same time, because he feels it is a waste to watch one.

6-9: Usually just kick it, finish up watching a game. Maybe attempt to write some raps on my computer, or think about getting a youtube channel started, or write something that I never post...blah. This is the time period that needs work.

9: Dinner. Salad, then some other random vegetarian (lifelong ftw) dinner. Yes vegetarian food is awesome. And remember, It's never too late to become a vegetarian.

10: Weight room with little brother. Usually mostly explosive lifts, power clean, clean and jerk, push press, medicine ball jumps, etc. Here I usually mix in a few other lifts, bench press, curls for the girls, and finish off maybe running intervals on the treadmill if I am up to it.

12: Home. Call a girlfriend in Cambodia. Get angry at myself for leading a girl on so much.

12:30 Maybe fire up another turbo session.

2: Regret firing up said session because I am tired, and lie in bed with one eye open.

2:30 Fall asleep while still on a few tables.

That is about a normal day for me. It is far from the big balling I do when living in Cambodia, or anywhere else for that matter, but it is a good break, and hopefully a chance to get my everything in line. I am finding quitting drinking energy drinks quite hard, as I usually end up being quite tired. I never liked to sleep more then 6-7 hours, but now without energy drinks I find it harder and harder to stay awake. I am going to be updating this blog a bunch more in the near future, and maybe even start doing some media whoring.

It's beginning to look a lot like hell....uhh, I mean Christmas

2011-07-12T23:37:00.000-07:00

It's a time for giving, a time for loving, a time to be happy, and a time that I wish I could just skip. I don't know when it was that I started hating the holidays, but I am certain that I hate them. It may have been when I found out I was allergic to my extended family, or when I made enough money that I bought myself everything I wanted long before Xmas, (because we all know receiving>>>>giving) but somewhere I became disheartened with the entire season. Not sure if I can quite pinpoint the moment I quit liking the holidays, but to me, nothing says holidays like locking yourself in the room and hiding from everyone. So here are some of the reasons I hate the holidays.

1. The godawful music. You like it??? Are you kidding me? There is about one Christmas song I can stand, and I can hardly remember it, something about "homemade pumpkin pie" from a guy with a deep voice. I do all my Xmas shopping online, just so I can avoid going into the stores and hearing that dreadful, dreadful music. I also avoid banks, grocery stores, post offices, cars that I am not driving (and I lost my DL), any bar that would play Xmas music (which begs the question, why would I be in such a bar in the first place), and pretty much everywhere where their are people, because I know how much the masses love Christmas music. But, sometimes, I do have to go shopping. Which leads me to my next point....

2. People at shopping malls. I don't know how you venture into a shopping mall without becoming a misanthrope. Within 4.2 seconds, I hate everyone. From the greeter with no teeth, to the beggars, to the salvation army guys in Santa Claus outfits, everyone seems to be in slightly a better mood around the holidays, which pisses me off. How can you be in a better mood then me? Your poor! And the poor people isn't even the worst part, it's the kids. The selfish, "mama PLEEEEEEEEASE get me this" kids. Don't they see the same poor people that I do? Quit being so selfish. And frankly, I find myself rooting for them to buy their 7 year an old an Xbox too so that the little toothless ginger can just shut the fuck up and quit crying, before I really give him something to cry about. And parents are always stuck in a cruel bind: They can't say, "sorry (insert this years must-have gift here) are expensive and hard to find", because those little shits will just ask Santa for it. And while we are on the topic, If your kid is 8 years old and still believes in Santa, then you probably shouldn't of smoked crack when you were pregnant. I was 3 1/2 when I realized Santa wasn't real. Nobody told me, just the thought of someone making it to every house in the entire world in one night didn't make any sense to me. It wasn't the issue with the flying reindeer, or going down chimneys, or living at the North Pole, but simply an issue of time. I knew at a young age that it wasn't possible, and being the nice person that I am, I told every kid I knew. I can still remember the arguments from the kids on the bus, and thinking "Man, how stupid are people?" I think it is when I initially developed my superiority complex, when I first realized that I was, actually better then other people. I'm sorry your kids retarded. But I digress... So to the greeters, and the gingers, and the old white ladies that I see when I am leaving the bar lined up outside of the shopping malls at 3 am in the morning on black Friday (don't judge me for being at the bar on Thanksgiving, its a coping mechanism) I have your holiday spirit right fucking here.

3. There is more of her to love. There are sweets as far as the eye can see, and for a month out of the year every women I have ever dated seems to think it's okay to gorge on everything without feeling guilty. Actually, I take that back. I found one of the girls I dated in the bathroom making herself throw up, so at least she felt a bit guilty. And something about Xmas makes me miss her alcoholic, drug abusing, promiscuous, lyin, cheating, eating disorder ass. But once again, I digress. I don't know what it is about the holidays that makes women think it's okay (it's not) to just relax and eat whatever, but it needs to stop. Trust me, an extra five pounds on a women makes a big difference.

4. "But Christmas is about the family." Sigh. Every time I turn on the TV I get chastised. "C'mon guys, lets play Pictionary!" I'd rather gouge my eye with a pick. And if I am finally allowed to turn on TV, there is nothing good on. It's all bowl games from companies you have never heard of, filled with teams you have never seen. Little Caesars Pizza bowl? I mean, who DOESN'T want to see Toledo play Florida International. And the football is BETTER then the movies. There is only enough times I can hear that super annoying kid whine about getting a Red Rider BB gun, before I go to the store and buy one and hunt down his 40 year old ass and shoot his eye out once and for all. Peter Billingsley, I know where you live!! Admittedly, I love "It's a Wonderful Life", but with that said, I don't need your sad story to make me cry every Christmas Eve, because I ALREADY AM after selling out and being dragged to church and hearing "Silent Night" sung by the old ladies in the Choir and pretending to like it. I mean, these ladies were old when I was a kid. What the fuck is in the wine? The fountain of youth? Because it's feeling a lot like Cocoon up in this bitch.

5. The people who shouldn't be smiling. Maybe they shouldn't be smiling because they have nothing to smile about, or maybe because they are that hard to look at, but y'all know who I am talking about. Maybe for you, it's Debbie from accounting who you've known for five years, who seems to add 10 pounds every Christmas, but unlike your girlfriend, doesn't lose them come spring. She appoints herself DJ every winter, and somehow, someway, her Christmas music seems to be worse. She carries around Candy Canes and hands them out to everyone who accidentally makes eye contact. And you just know it is her that hangs the mistletoe; and is always waiting by it, hmm, I wonder why? Whatever happened to sexual harassment lawsuits? Can I hire a lawyer to get me out of kissing her? And you just know that every time you kiss her on the cheek, she turns a bit much and you catch the corner of her over lipstick(ed), chubby, moist lips. I mean this is an office!! There are rules! I once got kicked out of a strip club for that, but apparently all rules go by the wayside come Christmas.Jesus Christ.

6. Christmas parties. Especially work related ones. Once a year your forced to talk to all people that you try to avoid at work, because "I have to get back to work" isn't really an applicable excuse. And there is always some idiotic theme to the "Winter Party". Like the gift must be red, or something. If you really want people to enjoy each others company, get rid of the gifts, no one really wants to pretend to like what you got them anymore often then they have to; that's what Christmas is for. And it's always a "Winter Party", because of the lawsuits from the people who don't celebrate. Where are these lawsuits when I am forced to kiss Debbie??? You guys are probably thinking, "But Carter, you don't have a job". And that is true, I don't. However I have been to enough holiday themed parties in my life to know a thing or two. Which reminds me of one thing worse then your own Christmas party: Your girlfriends Christmas party. Because there, you don't know anyone, but your pretty certain that all the guys in the office have hit on her, and are talking shit about you, and your pretty certain one of them fucked her when you broke up three months ago by the way he keeps smirking at you to his friends, and the uncomfortable looks you catch them sharing.

7. Christmas Cards. Nothing really says "I don't give a fuck about you" quite like a Christmas card that comes out of a box of 20 identical Christmas cards. Which is only slightly worse then the Christmas newsletter. "Hi, I can't be bothered to write you a personal letter, so here is the letter I mailed 30 other people." It's like a chain email. And don't even get me started on how much I hate those. But at least you can delete those without reading them because they won't ask, "Hey did you get my letter" when you don't write one back. And the letters are always filled with poor writing about their boring ass family, and pictures of a ten pound heavier version of their family smiling in front of a fire place, or a Xmas tree, or the snow. Great, more recycling. And now I have to send them a letter for them to recycle. "Here, you throw this away." I don't know about you, but for me, the frustration with having to write thank you's always slightly outweighed the happiness from receiving the gift.

8. Decorating. Putting up Christmas lights? C'mon, I'd rather have my prostate examined....actually that's not a good example, I'd MUCH RATHER have my prostate examined, which reminds me, I need to go back to Asia. So a more applicable example would be, I'd rather take an STD test, Q-tip and all. And the Christmas trees? What part of that sounds like fun to you? The driving out on the reservation (no, I swear, I never did that) and cutting down a tree? The smell? Go sniff a pine cone asshole. Or is the joy of vacuuming pine needles off the rug every day? What is it, really?
And then, after New Year's Day, you see the most depressing thing ever: all the dead, rejected trees sitting out on the sidewalk, waiting to be taken to the dump. Mutilate a living thing, take it home, hang shit on it, then kick it to the curb: Sounds like America in a nutshell.

9. The food. I don't know about you, but I am a vegetarian. Not that I would be attracted to Meat loaf, and Turkey in the first place, but maybe yours tastes better. I wouldn't know. But man do I hate all the food from Thanksgiving, to the leftovers in January. I hate nutloaf, yams, gravy, cranberries, cider, eggnog, biscuits, cookies, rolls, etc. Pretty much the only thing I can tolerate is mashed potatoes, and I don't really even like those. I wonder what kind of food they are serving at the bar on Xmas? "Yes, thank you, I will have a green and red jello shot."

10. Charities. I am pretty sure there is way more charities then their are needy people. First, I don't trust that your not going to spend my donation to your charity on meth...your prison tattoos tell me otherwise. It's gotten so bad that I half expect to see a bucket out there for the less-fortunate charities. I don't mind helping out my fellow man, but lets not get carried away. I am thinking of starting a charity called "Dope for misanthropes" so everyone can tolerate their family a little better by being blitzed out of their skull. Ship the tax write-off.

11. Traveling. No such thing as a short car ride during the holidays. The red lights seem to be longer, no one seems to be in a hurry, and no one leaves when the light turns green because they are to busy spreading holiday cheer with their family. And to make it worse, everyone is slowing down to look at Christmas lights. I mean, really??? What is your major malfunction? Have you not seen them before? I'm sure that if I was an alien and came from Mars around Xmas that I might be interested in seeing Xmas lights, but after 10 minutes the interest would pass, because I am not retarded. And if your like me, your usually flying somewhere around the holidays, which makes it even worse. Added security, bad airline food (which of course costs money now), everyone's added luggage which they are attempting to carry on, because apparently 35 dollars to check it, would break them because they spent all their money on Grand Theft Auto for their 11 year old step-son because they want to be the "cool step-dad" , thinking maybe that will make him hate him less. Sorry, not happening, the kid still hates you, but now he sees you can easily be manipulated, have fun with that one. And the delays, oh god, the delays. You have to hear all the deadbeat dads calling their kids telling them that is not their fault they will be late for Christmas, because they weren't smart enough to realize that a flight on Xmas eve might be delayed. And all that Christmas cheer in one places is enough to make a man feel sick to his stomach. Because not only is the gay TSA officer being his usual touchy self, he is now wearing a Santa Claus hat. And we all know there is nothing worse then a gay man in a hat. Especially when he has his hands between your legs. Reminds me of when I went with my friend to his Catholic summer camp....but once again, I am getting off subject. If you do happen to finally get re-booked on another flight, you might make it home in time for:

12. New Years. Congratulations, you made it though the holidays. But, now your on to one to my LEAST favorite holiday. New years. First, you have to deal with the resolutions. Save yourself the time, your not going to lose weight, and statistically speaking your supposed to be 5lbs heavier come next New Years. Resolutions don't work. No more smoking is about the only one I like, because for a few days, there are slightly less smokers on the street. But they quickly cancel it out with their grumpiness from the withdrawals, and I always get Nicorette patches stuck to the bottom of my shoes when I walk through town. Then you have to deal with the fat fucks at the gym, monopolizing the treadmills, walking 3mph while sweat pours off their fat rolls on to everything, because they don't know how to use a towel, because they have never been in to the gym before. Or drenching the bench with their sweaty ass while benching 135 when their equally fat friend spots them. If there is anything worse then the grunts a fat guy makes while benching, it's the shit his fatter friend says attempting to motivate him. Here how about this, "Get your fat ass away from the TV for a couple hours a day, and go on a walk, or stick with it at the gym, and maybe, just maybe, if your lucky next year you can see your dick! Or if your really lucky, have sex with someone, instead of spending your hours masturbating on chatroulette." *Put your thumb and pointer out in front of your face, then picture someone masturbating like that. Yes, that is how fat people (and Asians) do it. I'm not racist, and I wish I was lying about the Asians, but I have seen enough Asian porn to know otherwise. But the good thing about the fat new years resolutioners is this, they will all be gone by February 1st. But you know whats worse then the resolutions? New years eve. Don't know when I started hating it, because when I was 8 I really liked it. I would get to stay up past midnight once a year, and drink rootbeer floats. Maybe I started hating it the time I got a gun pulled on me, and my face smashed in by a baseball bat from my girlfriends ex-boyfriend and his homies. Then quickly my face swelled till it was unrecognizable, and I spent the night in the hospital, where the doctor told me he had never seen someones face in such bad shape, and the head x-ray showed internal bleeding, and I was told that if I had been hit one more time I would likely be dead. All over some dumb bitch, who wasn't even that hot. Jeez man, if you want her that bad you can have her. My dumbass girlfriend convinced me to leave the party we were at, and go to a party where a couple of her friends were at....and ex-boyfriend. She told me later that she had been a bit worried, and that is why she drove around the block 5x before convincing herself that it would be fine. Well guess what bitch? It wasn't fine, I was ambushed from the second I walk in the house. Immediately a guy pulls a gun, and I run out the house to where people are waiting in the bushes with baseball bats. But I'm over it. The brain damage isn't that bad. Certainly not worse then from the binge drinking. But one bad New Years I could live with. Maybe I hate New years eve, since I am always the only single guy in my group, since I break up with my girlfriend before Xmas because I am sick of her holiday cheer, and so I don't have to buy her gifts. Or maybe it was from the New Years eve where I passed out at 8pm because my "friends" thought it would be funny to roofie me. Or maybe it's from how I somehow seem to strike out every year, since I am usually too drunk by 8 pm to get hard, let alone pick up on someone. I am pretty good at picking up on girls at a BAC of .22, but by .44 I am pretty useless. And no, I am not exaggerating. 2rd highest ever recorded in Oregon bishes. And I was walking(ish). Maybe it was the time that I was stuck in a layover in a town of 20,000 where I knew no one, so I spent the night watching a Cinemax porn marathon and developed carpal tunnel. But if I had to guess, I would say it was in 8th grade, when I went to my first New years eve party, where not one, but two girls liked me. And we were all spending one of the first nights out, away from our family, and even though we weren't really drinking much besides Pepsi, and the food wasn't more of an aphrodisiac then Doritos, I somehow managed to get in my friends bed with not one, but two girls who were best friends. And with the looming threesome on the horizon (I wasn't a virgin, however I didn't know much about what do in bed, LET ALONE how to facilitate a threesome) I managed to butcher the whole thing. Somewhere between trying to figure out how to undo a girls belt, and making out with one girl with my hand down the others pants, and watching them both kiss someone else at Midnight, I managed to not only offend them both, get slapped, make one of them cry, but I also got my first case of blue balls..... So forgive me for not liking the holiday. Something about the next morning hangover, past ass beatings, roofies, no sex (Hey October 5th birthdays, GUESS WHEN YOU WERE CONCEIVED BY YOUR DRUNK NO CONDOM WEARING PARENTS) and blue balls, turns me off to the entire holiday.

~ Frankly I just hate the holidays. I mean it's cold as shit. It gets dark at like 2pm, and we are all wasting hundreds of dollars on presents with money that could be better spent drinking away seasonal depression. What's to like about the holidays? When you start to feel as fed up as I am, just remember, that, like Alcatraz, there is no escape. But you can always add a little extra rum to the eggnog.

Figure I should get it while it's hot

2011-07-12T23:34:00.001-07:00

I will write on the Main Event ban later, however now I think I am going to post a few of my favorite blogs that I wrote but never published here.

Don't Cheat! (if your female)

2011-04-05T07:29:00.000-07:00

If a man is in a relationship, or simply dating multiple women at the same time, he’s a player, a pimp, a stud, “the man”. A guy’s power to lure in several women at once and keep them organized is what young boys dream of. When I was a kid my Uncle told me, “Have as many Girlfriends as you can afford”. But even that’s gone out of the window with the modern day woman who don’t require a dinner and a movie. So now it’s “Have as many Girlfriends as you can stomach”. I’ve never been the type of guy to mess with more than four girls at one time, not because I'm morally pure, I just didn't have patience for-- hearing " Why the fuck haven't you called me back? Who you talking to?"

If a woman is in a relationship or simply dating multiple men at the same time, she’s a slut. That’s the end of conversation. It doesn't even matter if she’s having sex with them, to the outside world its like, “wow… you’re out there sucking all of those dicks”. This is why females invented something to get around this it’s called “I Talk To …” No woman is ever truly man free; they’re always “talking to someone”. A man never says that, instead we’re “fucking with…” a chick. To say “Talking” when you’re a guy sounds soft, like your a little bitch, and can’t seal the deal. To say “Dating” sounds like you’re a trick, spending money on a bitch you haven't fucked yet.

The thing I find amusing about girls is that they can’t like two people the same way. Say a girl is “talking to” 3 guys and then one of them steps up and she starts dating him. Those other two guys get the shaft. She’ll talk to them, and even keep her blossoming relationship a secret, but those other guys now get ten minute phone calls, and it takes a few hours to return their texts because she’s focused on the person who’s winning her heart. That’s an amazing thing. Sure she’s keeping these two guys around as a backup penis, but mentally she’s passed them over and it’s just a matter of time before she stops answering their calls and those guys get put on “facebook” duty.

But men are greedy. If we find a new girl that we want to handcuff, those other girls don’t go anywhere because we still want to fuck them. If anything we get more confident. I had way more sex when I had a girlfriend then times when I was single. When you have a girl you’re comfortable, pussy is no big deal because it’s at your beck and call so you don’t hold back when talking to other girls. A guy in a relationship is doing triple summersaults with a safety net, he’s fearless. It’s interesting really, because now you can talk any kind of way you want to when dealing with those other girls, tell them you’re not taking them out, call them when it’s convenient to you, and ignore their calls at will, because you don’t care. You would think a woman would be like “fuck him, acting brand new”. But they don’t. For the most part women like assholes, they may not know why you’re being a d-bag, but it makes them moist. That’s why it’s hard to let them go even if you are starting to catch feelings for your main bitch. It’s like you’re telling me I can have a main bitch who I hang with all the time, then have side bitches who I can talk to any kind of way and call at all hours of the night and they’ll be down for whatever, all I have to do is put up with the occasional bitching from them, and random drunk crying, phone calls? Where can I sign?

Of course that’s a fun life, and I know a lot of people that still live life like that, but eventually someone finds out and it all crumbles. But it’s still a win because you lived the life of Hugh Hefner for a few months and are now free to start that process back over. Females cherish relationships so they’re not going to be that reckless. But at the same time, women are human surprisingly, and have urges and temptations to.

A woman won’t cheat with the guy she’s been “talking to”. She’s going to cheat with a new guy or someone from the past that comes back into the picture. But here’s the key difference. A chick will tell the guy that she has a man. A man can’t say that because 80% of females don’t want to be the other woman. 99% of men don’t mind being the other guy, because in our minds we’re not sharing, we’re “fucking” his bitch,and that’s fucking cool.

So why is she a slut and he’s not? They’re both being horn balls, they’re both violating trust. It’s because of the word FUCK. For another woman to say “That’s why I fucked your man” means nothing, it’s saying you allowed yourself to be penetrated by someone who is committed to someone else. She’s the idiot for being smutted out. A girl isn't going to be as mad if you “got the dick” because that’s not a woman’s main goal in a relationship. On the flip side, for a man to tell another man “That’s why I fucked your bitch”. That’s the ultimate insult in the world and the reason Tupac is dead.

Everyone can forgive cheating, but a Man has pressure from his friends, he can’t be with a girl who EVERYONE knows cheated on him. A woman can forgive despite her friends talking shit... unless she says: “That’s why your man brought me this bag, gave me gas money, took me to eat, and paid my rent!”. Now that’s the worst thing a woman can find out. A woman can accept you falling into some pussy, but she will never accept you giving another bitch money that should have gone to her… EVER! Goes back to the basic argument of the difference between men and women. Men are attracted to physical appearance, women are attracted to social status. Men don't care about money. Women do. Men only want money to attract better/more/more forgiving females. Moral of the story, cheating is wrong either way, but if you’re going to do it, Women—don’t get caught. Men—don’t get caught tricking for it.

Lies. Women. Tell.

2011-04-05T07:28:00.001-07:00

Girls love to lie. If your a girl, your probably thinking "Whaat?? I don't lie." Just stop it. Your lying again. Here are some lies girls tell.

1) I'm a Virgin: I once had a girl tell me this, and I believed her until I fucked her the first time I let her come over. Ladies don't want to be seen as whores, so just play along. On the same subject, women, since the goal is the opposite, don't "count" some men. Like if they were a teenager, or he didn't know what he was doing,or if they were drunk, or if he had a little dick they might not count him. I think I might start not counting girls names that I don't remember. So there goes 90 pct of my sex. Just remember that when talking numbers. However, I advise never to talk numbers. No good can come out of it.

2) "I would only suck my husbands dick!" This is true sometimes... not most. 80% of girls experimented with takin' da pipe in the mouth before they got handcuffed, if you find one who hasn't. MARRY HER. Because there is nothing worse then finding out your girlfriend has sucked a lot of dick. Frankly, I find it disgusting. Picture Clerks. The guy is in a relationship with the perfect girl, whose only slept with 3 guys, then he finds out she has sucked 37 dicks. That pretty much destroys the relationship. And can you blame him? Numbers are everything to a guy. We care about how many points MJ scored, vs how much Kobe has scored. So of course we care about how many dicks have been in your mouth. Girls are forgiving about that kinda stuff. And secretly I believe they like men who have been with more girls, because somewhere in the back of their twisted little minds they think that if "143 women found him attractive enough to let him hit it, then he must have SOME redeemable qualities." And "at least he's likely not creepy" (HAHA FOOLED YA BITCH). But to us guys, dick sucking is the ultimate in sexual acts. Would you rather your girlfriend got fucked 37 times, or sucked 37 dicks? I mean, who wants to kiss someone whose mouth has been used as a sperm dumpster for 37 different men? Sucking cock is the loophole for bitches who wanna be freaky. It’s just a mouth on a piece of meat, no emotional attachment. A girl can date a guy, think he’s cute but doesn’t want to give it up. She’s turned on, she wants to do something, and there it is, hard and ready to go. Maybe dicks are like magnets, I’m not sure, but if it’s whipped out around a horny girl, the mouth will open. Trust me on this. I had this friend who used to swear by just whipping your dick out.That was his favorite way to turn a friendly date into more than that. So every time I would be over a girl’s house or vice versa, he would echo in my head “Pull Your Dick Out” like some perverted Obi Wan Kenobi. And here is the thing, IT WORKS. Sometimes your going to get slapped, (or maybe the police called) but when you whip out your dick in situations where it isn't really called for you find out really quick where things are going. Find out if you were "friend zoned" or if the girl is going to be your sperm dumpster too. Instead of asking gay-ass questions like "How do you feel about me", just whip that motherfucker out. I swear by this, and your welcome to email me/put me on blast if it doesn't work out for you. I have gotten head from 7 different girls in a taxi. Trust me on this, just whip it out. At worst, it becomes so awkward, that she has no idea what else to do, but suck it. And that doesn't sound like worst to me. But I digress:

No one wants a girl whose sucked a lot of dick. Some women pride themselves on jaw skills, others pretend like they don’t know how to do it, yet four minutes into it they’re showing Jada Fire like technique. So ladies, don't suck so much cock. And if you do, please, please please don't tell your current boyfriend about it. Everyone wants a good blowjob, but he would much rather play the role of the teacher. Men are haunted by the past of their women. Be it sex, relationships, etc, anything that can come back to bite them. Women think, well that was then, this is now. NO that’s always going to be in his head. So please, please be sensitive. Men are obsessed with stats, but in the game of knob slobbering, the less shot attempts, the better. Not saying to lie, but don't be too honest if you've sucked more then, say 5 dicks.

3) "Nah I never fucked him we just talked." Don't even go there, you do not want to go snooping in a girls past. Just assume she's FUCKED every man she's ever met, that way you don't get taken for a ride.

4) "He's like a brother to me." A Brother who wants to fuck you?? Trust me. No boy wants to be your brother unless you're ugly. And I'm talking about three O'clock in the AM, patron don't even make you cute ugly.

5)" I never did this before." She means, "I never did this today".

6) " Wtf u talkin bout,my phone died. " Phones die, women Lie, vaginas don't! Do a finger test to make sure she wasn't out letting Mike and them hit it.

7) I'm on my period. She either: A) had sex the day before and she's trying to let it TIGHTEN back up or B) She's not feeling you enough to give you some. It's the oldest excuse in the book. Women probably said that shit to Jesus when he wasn't spittin' his A game. If you run into this just tell her, " I never let a little blood ruin a good time. "

8) "I don't Cheat." Translation: I haven't found the right back up dick yet. Trust me, everyone cheats. Don't think your girl is out there turning down Brad Pitt because she's not. Hell if she gets in a fight with you, and decides to have a girls night out, she probably isn't turning down the thirsty men at the bar who look like the beat up Benicio del Toro version of Brad Pitt either. Women just use *whore logic when justifying it.

*Whore logic is like, when, for example she calls her girls and goes for a girls night out on the town. They throw on their sluttiest dress, and go out trying to "feel good and just dance" (more on this later) and get your man back by going to the club and getting, and drinking liquor they can’t handle, while in a skin tight dress with no panties on. They think they aren't hurting their boyfriend, and really they are just hurting their whore-ass self. Guess what, your single friends are happy that you’re in their lonely ass boat now, so they’re going to let you get molested on the dance floor and dragged back into the men’s room just to get back at you for all of those times you rubbed your perfect relationship in their face and said " I love not being single"… but it’s not their fault. You decided that you could solve your relationship problems by dancing provocatively while dressed like a slut. WHORE LOGIC.

9) "I am going out to relieve stress and just dance." She never is going out with her girlfriends "just to dance."

10) "I'm not into other girls. That's gross and gay. " Yea, until your third Smirnoff when your making out with the other girl in the middle of the house party with all the guys watching. Then it's just "a good time."

11) "I don't fuck with my ex." No, she just has sex text with him.

12) "The guy in the background? Oh that's my brother, 'ima call u back!" Wait, isn't she an only child?

Sorry for telling all your secrets and selling you out girls.

Ask any person I have been in a relationship with. I am a hard person to be with. It's not because I am jealous, and manipulative, and a liar, and a little bit creepy....I mean I am those things, but the real reason I am a hard person to date is because I am not stupid. I suggest you not be either.

For all the girls who read this and think, "I am not a liar." Or the guys who read this and thought, "Ha ha, sounds funny. Sure am glad this doesn't apply to my girlfriend." Your only fooling yourself. It has been established that all girls are liars. Oh your not a liar? Why don't you tell your boyfriend about the abortion you had when you were with your last boyfriend. Or keep denying that when you were in high school you got gang banged in the back of your parents RV. Because bitch, I saw you. Not telling the whole truth is the same thing as lying. Keeping things from someone is lying. But keep turning your nose up to me, and saying what I think is offensive, etc. Well I think it is offensive that you don't count Johnny from high school as one of your sexual partners. Sure he had a small dick, but his penis entered your vagina, so he should count because he is a man (albeit a little bit LESS of one). Guys, thank me later. Just doing my best to educate in the ways of the succubus (I mean women). So girls, while your out laughing with your girlfriends (no girl will ever be as honest with you as she is with her girlfriends, if you really want to infiltrate, get one of her girlfriends really drunk, and watch the truth come out) , remember this, you may be fooling your boyfriend, or your husband, but your not fooling me. But I can still fool you.

Hi ya guys

2011-04-05T03:44:00.000-07:00

So I think I should be getting some more readers here pretty quickly, due to my starting to finally get into twitter/ doing shout outs whenever possible. I know often times my writing is pretty poor...that is not because I am a bad writer, its more because i am a lazy writer. But I will fix that. However, I am pretty certain that some of my blogs (scroll down the page) are epic, and extremely funny.

I just played a live tourney in Malaga. Busted, nothing special. I think I played pretty bad overall, but that happens. I am going to Boston here in a few days to catch the Red Sox home opener, then from there to Mohegan Sun. After that, i don't know where I am headed. South florida maybe for the WPT Miami and various side events...not sure.

Supernova Elite pursuit wise, I am at 212k vpps on the year. I missed quite a few days when I was in jail for the Dui, and numerous others traveling. The traveling if anything is going to pick up more, and I don't plan on playing much during the summer. Regardless, it will be very easy to hit it really hard later in the year when needed, and pump out 150-250k vpps in a month during crunch time. Profit wise on the year i am up pretty decent. I would guess right around 60k. A lot of it came from one big cash on another site. I am down at PLO cash...I had gotten my numbers right back up to nearly positive on pokertableratings before hitting a huge tilt session and dropping 15kish over a few thousand hands. Still I am doing well at higher stakes (2-4 3-6), and awful at lower stakes (.5-1, 1-2). I think that mostly has to do with me not respecting the money at the lower stakes and playing/bingoing way too much. Also I do believe 1-2 regs are better then 2-4 regs in PLO and that the games get more random Euro fish, since they likely think 1-2 is too small to play. Sng wise I have had a very good year in a very limited sample minus my step 6 brick last night (2-1 on 2nd 3 handed first 10k, 2nd 1700, 3rd nothing). Not really certain on my profit number since I am not sure how much I have made off of fpps, etc. But all in all, poker is going quite well and I am quite happy with it.

Workout wise I have fallen a bit off. I don't look quite as good as I did in the last two pictures. I dont have a scale here in Europe, but I would guess I have gained 5-7lbs back. It was hard maintaining a complete sleep schedule, and for me, weight gain has always been coupled with me not getting much sleep. It is the most important factor, I binge eat when I am tired often. When I go to bed to when I wake up I usually lose 5-8 lbs. But I have found that when I sleep less then 5 hours (about 1/2 the time) I lose less then 2 lbs. I still have been working out, but it has been a bit less frequent, more like every other day. The miles have increased over 10kms when I run, but less weights, and haven't done the insanity workout at all. But now that I am headed back to the us I plan on getting right back on track. Still my goal is 5 pct body fat. By my calculations I would weigh around 190. That just shows you how far BMI is off when at 6-1 190 that is considered substantially overweight, yet I would have 5 pct body fat. Regardless, I am about to go run now, and as long as I dont eat too much dairy (lifelong vegetarian) I shouldnt have a problem getting the 6 pack in a couple weeks. And about the pictures, thanks for the nice messages I got. They made me happy:)

Funny article about me, lol

2011-03-16T20:34:00.000-07:00

http://pokerati.com/2011/02/20/brash-online-pro-headed-to-the-slammer-carter-gill-readies-himself-for-oklahoma-jail/

Just got back from Hawaii....headed to Jail

2011-03-16T20:24:00.000-07:00

Think I am headed to jail tomorrow. Possible I am in for 14 days...hopefully they let me out a lot quicker then that. Still working out a pretty decent amount, and the only plus of jail will be that i won't have anything to do, except workout and finish writing my tv script. Hopefully it is good. I am pretty sure it will be...A few pictures of where I am at. Didn't quite get the six pack, but pretty close. And yes in the second picture I am naked. I woulda just posted the orginal, but I think my family has google also. Only one I had, and gained like 3 lbs today since I am eating a lot the day before jail, lol. That and I think my tan lines are very interesting.

Six pack goal

2011-02-25T05:00:00.000-08:00

Had a good week. it is not very noticeable from the pictures,but i lost 4 more lbs, and an inch and a half off of my waist. Going to Portland to a blazer game tomorrow, and watching my brother play baseball. Should be a good weekend. going to have to find a gym for a day pass though, since i am so paranoid about missing workouts.

Day 10 of my "One month till 6 pack"

2011-02-17T22:22:00.001-08:00

I gave myself one month to get a 6 pack 10 days ago. I have 21 days to go. The end of the goal coincides with me going to Hawaii, and while that is obviously a plus to have a six pack there, it was something I was starting anyways. In terms of working out, I have been doing a ton. Been doing Shaun t's Insanity workout. Kind of doing it expedited though. Not doing the day's off, and most days i am doing 2 in one day. Trying to do the entire 60 day workout in one month. Getting pretty grueling. Somedays I am doubling up on workouts, i.e Lifting (just got gym membership back), running, and Insanity workout. In terms of eating, I have been trying hard to eat extremely healthy (lifelong vegetarian regardless) and not snack late at night. My body clock is extremely off due to poker, for instance I woke up at 6 pm today. That is what I think is going to be crucial to me getting back in shape, getting back on a semi regular schedule. My problem has always been snacking at night...I haven't been hungry in the morning for years, but the later at night it gets, the more hungry I get....and I know thats a recipe for failure. I have done fairly well at not snacking, but the last few days I have taken a few steps back, fortunately it coincided with me increasing the intensity of my workout. I started out this workout weighing 231. Weighing 225 right now. The weight loss hasn't been dramatic, however I am certain even with only losing 6 pounds, I have lost a lot more fat then the weight loss shows. Here are some pics of where I am at.

who cares

2010-10-31T22:16:00.001-07:00

A lot of people write embarrassing things on Facebook. Things that really portray them in a negative light. Now your thinking, "Pot calling the kettle black much Carter?". But that really isn't the case. Things I say are generally calculated to an extent. And I don't care who knows that I have been arrested. Or fucked a hooker, or done illicit street drugs. The things I say portray me in a certain light, yes, but the things I say are part of my crusade. My crusade against stupidity. Simply put, people are dumb. People who look down on me for the things that I have done are dumb. I have nothing to hide. I like to build an image. I like how people tell stories about me about me when I am not even there. Stories that are so exaggerated that they have no resemblance to what actually happened. It's no secret that I like attention. Try being the middle child in my family, growing up all attention was good attention. Hell, that's probably why I still act up now. People spend their younger years worrying about what everyone thinks about them, then they get to be middle aged and they don't care what anyone thinks about them, then, once they are old, they realize no one was ever thinking about them in the first place.

People I want to punch in the throat

2010-09-11T15:48:00.001-07:00

As you have probably realized, I am about as sentimental as Mr. Spock. So this list is long.

Healthy people with no kids who stay in jobs they hate then complain ceaselessly that they hate their jobs: Too stupid to understand life is finite; too scared to do anything about it. Total pussies who diminish all of humanity.

Guys who live vicariously through their favorite team: "We" did not win the World Series. The Yankees did. "You," however, lead an empty life.

Motherfuckers who stand two abreast on moving sidewalks, or escalators. Some of us are in a hurry cocksucker. Then they have the audacity to glare at me when I shove their 62 year old spouse on the ground. Mothferfucker I need to catch my flight. I'm sorry, some of us aren't a billion years old, and have better things to do then show up at the airport 4 hours before the flight departs, and stand in the fucking moving sidewalk. Bitch. And while we are at it, fuck people who walk two abreast anywhere. And of course the people who do, are either old, or fat. DO YOU REALIZE HOW HARD IT IS TO GET AROUND YOU?

And those fucking kids that roll their backpacks down the sidewalk. I swear, I'll kill them. Fat ass boys with pudge sticking out over the collar of their black down jacket. Black jeans. Black tee shirt over a black turtleneck. Black sneakers with black laces and black socks. You're going to fourth grade for Chrissake. It's not like you have Pynchon hardcovers in there. What do you have? A mathematics workbook and a Spiderman pencil case? One of those soft vinyl lunch bags in teal green with a Velcro flap? I mean that thing cannot weigh more than nine pounds. It's a backpack. Get it? Put it on your sweaty back. Then start running because I'm coming after you, you fat emo fuck.

Plastic surgeons who give boob jobs to 18 year old girls who don't know any better, because they are 18 and easily convinced that is what they need. Nah bitch you need some self-esteem. Just wear a padded bra, it's not like when we I get you home and I take it off and realize that your tits are small, that I am going to kick you out of the bed. Trust me, guys aren't going to kick you out of bed (however, they may never fuck you again). Just kidding. Actually no I'm not.

People who make me out to be some overtly sexist bigot because I call it like I see it. Women should get special treatment for being women? " Oh, it's so tough being female in a mans world. You should have some tolderance for people." I'll bukkake those fucking bitches. Where's your tolerance now, you fascist, dogmatic, unthinking pinko fucks.

The entire Yankee team, and all their fans. Especially the fucks out west who wear their shit. And all the damn foreigners that keep buying their shit. And ESPN for amounting a massive dry cleaning bill from all the dirt on their knees from sucking Jeter's dick. Oh and Joe Morgan. You use every word incorrectly.

Tea party people. Not even worth my time. However keep on doing what your doing, your just making it impossible to get a republican elected, thank god.

Women who get implants but don't let me touch them, or see them. Why the fuck did you get implants then? So your clothes fit better? No, you got them for attention. Your vanity is second only to your stupidity for justifying the need to get them to yourself. All it is going to do is make people think less of you. Then you get mad at me for asking to see them? Fucking hypocrite. Tell me the last time you saw a smart girl with fake tits?... Don't worry, I'll wait.

The prude bastards that run the school system. Why isn't there sex education in school? And I don't mean learning about sex, I mean learning how to fuck, and well. Think how much time that would save us? A good portion of women still don't know how to get themselves off. What kind of society do we live in, when one of Maselow's hierarchy of needs, on the base level, isn't something that is taught? There should be sex demonstrations, and masturbation should be taught at around 7th grade. Y'all remember your first sexual partner, but how many of them remember them fondly? Or was it more along the lines of, seven seconds of foreplay, then he'd whisper sweet nothings in your ear, like "Christ, why aren't you wet yet?" Good sex can be taught. Why it isn't, is beyond me. But keep teaching us math we will never use, science we will never care about, and history that never really happened.

Why do you have so many tattoos? Not that I am going to say that there is a direct correlation between the intelligence of people and their (lack of) tattoos, but there is a direct correlation between the intelligence of people and their (lack of) tattoos. But hey, I like them. At least I will have an accurate way of gauging how intelligent you are before I talk to you. Sorry my tattoo'd compadres, didn't mean to lose you at a "gauging". It means: to estimate or determine the magnitude, amount, or volume of.

To the whole legal system. There has got to be a better way. Do you realize how much of a royal fuck up the whole system is? Should I really have to stay in the system for 3 years because I got a DUI? Like, really? I can hear everyone saying "you coulda killed someone" etc, yea, but I didn't. That has to count for something. I am in no way justifying what I did, but it has to be done on a case by case basis. It's fucking retarded. The entire system. I overheard the cops in Oklahoma talking outside the squad car to get the story right. Make sure they all said the same thing. I heard the security guard saying to the officer "I will say that he grabbed his belt buckle when you tried to cuff him if you want." You wll say THAT?!?!??! I mean, shouldn't if have actually had to have happened? Or that stupid fucking dumb cunt whore bitch "female" (and I use that term loosely) who kept on asking if she could taze me. Just because your dad touched you when you were a little girl, doesn't mean you need to take out your aggression on me. Your still going to fall asleep crying every night. Fuck you. Fucking fundraisers for their tiny podunk, redneck town. You shoulda seen the look on their faces when I paid my bond in cash and got out, then they charged me less then my bond. They were shocked, like "wait, we have to give money back to him? Can't we charge him with something else?"

Sarah Palin. Everytime you speak, you set women back ten years. Try defending "refudiate" by comparing yourself to Shakespeare. Go accidentally shoot yourself or something. Or intentionally, either way works for me.

People who think they know everything. Because, when you go to say something, it's always, "yeah, I knew that, dude" or "well, that should be obvious." Trust me, you don't posess any mental powers that I don't.

Dogs. They’re so fuckin’ needy, they drool, they smell, they break shit, they need to be babysat. Getting dog-lovers to do anything is like getting someone with kids to do anything: Pretty fuckin’ hopeless. And no, you can’t bring your dog inside my house. And sorry, I also don't think its cute.

Anytime someone says "I can't do the things I used to do, because I have my kids." Really? You can't skydive because you have a kid? Are you fucking retarded? Yet you drive? Which is more dangerous dumbass. "Oh I can't skydive because I have my son." Fuck you. Your fucking retarded.

Overly religous people. The people who care about the mosque being built....ummm hello? The mosque is already there. The whole area is filled with mosques, and it's not at ground zero, it is two blocks away. People who think their religion gets special legal status. Prime example: The Christians who protested when our first Muslim congressman did a lil’ Koran-thing instead of a Bible-thing. As if reading from the Bible is allowed, but not the Koran.

And I know I am constantly in your newsfeed on facebook, but please, farmville game scores? Really? Who the fuck cares.

And fuck these uppity, skinny, no ass white bitches. You know who I am talking about, the ones dense people call sweet. The girl who drinks wine with her lame ass friends in some pseudo French bar that she calls "the place we always go" but the bartender doesn't know who the fuck she is. She wears rings that belonged to her dead grandmother, which she explains to anyone who will listen with a grave expression on her doll face. She uses a credit card that her dad still pays for, despite the fact that she is 29. She rolls her petite black suitcase down the sidewalk because she doesn't want to put any more pressure on her classic pumps. She thinks this gives her "class. Compassion feigning, louis vatton wearing, selfless faking, selfish cunt whore bitches. Everytime I see her raise her elegant, exfoliated arm in the air to hail a cab, I want to grab the wheel and cut too close to the curb.

Anyone who tells me to get over it. Fuck you. I'll wallow as long as I goddamn want. Bitch.

So for all you pasty, ignorant, emo, uppity, overly-reliogous, preaching, slow-walking, fake tittied succubuses out there.... go ski into a brick wall.

rabble rabble

2010-09-07T23:43:00.001-07:00

"I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on

Don't go to Winstar Casino

2010-09-07T12:54:00.001-07:00

Winstar Casino= A complete and utter joke. I was in the money in the tourney, when I was given a public intoxication. While I was intoxicated, that is not up for debate, the way I was then treated, is. They surrounded me with up to 6 police/security guards, and then proceeded to tackle me in the poker room. The reasons... behind this are completely unknown to me. I was doing nothing, just moderately intoxicated. They then made sure to audibly yell quit resisting to make sure people take note. The problem is, 100's of people were there watching, and I have spoken to many, and I was in no way shape or form resisting. On my way out of the casino, a security guard said to the officer "I can say that he grabbed his belt buckle when you tried to cuff him."
I mean, what is that? You can SAY that he grabbed his belt buckle? I mean, I definitely did not do that. How stupid would I have to be to to resist arrest when I have 6 people surrounding me. The officer had his knee forcefully pressed into... my back after tackling me..maybe thats why it was hard to grab my arms to cuff me, because they were stuck underneath me. Resisting is just laughable. They just prey off drunk people, because its a group of officers word vs mine. I heard them sitting outside the cop car talking to make sure they get their story straight. What kind of joke system is that? They have to make sure they all say the same thing. What kind of place do you hear the lady officer say "Can I taze him, can I taze him? I have never tazed anyone before." She then talked about punching me in the face when I was cuffed. I mean, huh? Calling me a faggot city boy, is really professional. Well done Winstar security guards, and Love County police officers. Nice fundraiser for your county.

Bad deeds

2010-08-27T03:04:00.001-07:00

When you commit a horrible act, there are two things to deal with. The initial hell of committing the act, and then the emotional scars of remembering it. With [fucking the] dead baby, all you have after the act is the emotional scars. With [smashing your] ball [with a hammer] you have: The same hell during the act; the emotional scars of remembering said act AND you only have one ball. So I'd rather do the baby. It is literally half as bad as doing the ball thing.

getting in shape

2010-08-13T15:42:00.000-07:00

I weighed 223 this morning. While thats significantly down from the most I have ever weighed, I still havent made progress in over 2 months. Before October 24th I am going to be down to 195-205. 205 would be a good weight for me, 195 I would be thin..which is fine. Its been years since I was considered thin, and now is as good a time as any to get back to it. Last year for halloween I dressed up like a ladyboy... this year I am going to be at fantasy fest in Key West for it. This year I am going to go fully nude... with maybe something funny covering my penis (like a banana, or a sock) since thats something thats allowed there. However I am not going to go at all, unless I have at minimum a 4 pack. Just figured I'd share here, so I am embarrassed if i dont make it.

Miami was fun

2010-08-12T03:56:00.001-07:00

Had a great time in So Florida. Will update more when I am feeling it. Got 2nd today in the 1k on UB for 35k+. Good times.

Headed to Miami

2010-08-04T13:59:00.001-07:00

enroute to south beach. will update soon.

Ranting and raving

2010-07-19T15:02:00.001-07:00

Been quite some time since I sat down and wrote a new note. I used to write them quite a bit, and it seemed people liked them, but I just really haven't had much to say, and frankly I don't know if I have anything to say now either. I just opened a Red Bull, and it seems that I do my best thinking at the start of the Red Bull buzz. It kind of makes me sad actually, because I am going to be saying goodbye to Red Bull here in the next few weeks... you see I am finally entering rehab (no not for Red Bull) as a way of staying out of jail. Not really looking forward to it, but maybe it will be fun. It can be my break from taking a break, as I am doing now. I am planning on using it as a time to purify everything, i.e quit drinking caffeine, getting back to an extremely healthy diet, and a strict exercise regimen. The drinking alcohol really hasn't been a major problem, despite it being what got me in trouble in the first place. The problem with me always has been self-restraint. It's the same problem I have in all regards of my life. I spend too much on things I don't need, I play poker when I am not in a good mood to play, I drink too much and lose the next day in bed being hungover. I am very un-regimented. I look around my hotel, and stuff is out everywhere, I don't have any clean clothes, etc... and I really don't think its okay. I mean life has been good to me, I have done well enough financially, had a ton of fun, seen many places, met many interesting people, but I just feel that for me, I could be doing so much more.

I don't aspire to be the best poker player... it's not something that I want, or have ever wanted. I want to do something that matters. This poker game is nothing. It's just not enough for me. It may be for some people, and I am not saying I am better then you, but I can't spend the rest of my life (or even the rest of this year) playing poker. It's just not for me. I need to use my mind for something else. I need to create something, become someone. Poker is just a card game. It's not that I am quitting, I will still play online for the big tourney series, and a few random tourneys in places I want to see and the WSOP, but poker will no longer be the focal point of my life.

My first plan is to buy a house. I already own land, but I want a house. It's possible I build on the land, but I don't really think I want to live where I grew up, which is where the land is located. However, having a home at my old home may not be that bad of an idea. My second plan is to get on TV. I am not sure how I am going to go about it, but I want to be a celebrity. Even a quasi-celebrity. I just see the way girls look at famous people and it makes me so angry, that the only way I can think of dealing with it is to be semi-famous myself.If you can't beat em' , join em'. Guys, just think about it this way. No matter how much you like your significant other, she will drop you like a bad habit for one night with a celebrity. Isn't that awful? Once had a happily married lady tell me that she would give it all up for one night with Michael Jordan. Now I cannot blame her, because I would give everything up for one night alone with Michael Jordan also (just joking...sorta) but when you see these hot girls with Pauly Shore, or "The Situation" or Greg Oden there is clearly something wrong. Maybe its just me, but I have never had any desire to be with a celebrity, unless it is to make a sex tape and blackmail them. I was with this girl at a bar once and she got all excited when Alvin Gentry walked in, and had to have me (seriously pissed me off so much) take a picture of her with him. I mean seriously, Alvin Gentry? He is an NBA coach, and former player, but is he really worthy of taking a picture with? What really infuriated me was there is no doubt in my mind if he had asked her to come up to his room with him, she would have left me and gone with him. I can think of basically no one that I would have any desire to take a picture with, and the only ones I would have an interest of taking pictures with, would just be in a mocking fashion, like Dr. Phil, or George Bush, or Oprah. The idea of how much girls like celebrities, and power, is the driving force behind my desire to get "famous". I just can't stand the thought of it. Like do they not realize that they are just people? People who breathe air, and people who were born out of their moms bellybutton (or wherever it is babies come from) like the rest of us? Star-fucking-whores.

And while I am ranting and raving, I got a few more things on my mind:

Why the fuck are you people wearing Ed Hardy? Do you realize how ridiculous you look? I will go up to someone in Ed Hardy just to ask to take a picture with them because they look so hideous. Same goes for Affliction, and Tap-Out.

Why are you bringing your kids to Las Vegas? Is it to see the hooker cards being handed out on the side of the street? Or the drunk girls who are not wearing in their skirts passed out on the side of the street with their legs in the air? Or maybe it's the drunk, white trash tourists with their 4 foot tall drinks vomiting on the side of the Denny's?

Most cocktail waitresses will blow you for an extra big tip. Not that I would know or anything.

If your at a topless pool, you want to get topless. It's quite amusing to me to see these groups of five girls at the pool, all wearing their tops. You can see it in their eyes, that they are just dying for one of the other girls in their group to take off their top first, so they can join in. I mean, c'mon, why do you think they went to this pool in the first place, when there is a perfectly good "regular" pool around the corner.

It's amazing to me how racist some people still are. Maybe its coming from Oregon (but hell i come from the country), but I didn't know that there were still so many racist people out there. And young people too, at that. Thought all the racists already at minimum had one foot in. So many times recently I have heard someone say something that completely takes me aback, and it just shocks me that there are still people out there that think that way.

Some people are really into some kinky things. In the condo I am staying at now, I have a really good view (with my binoculars, hehe) of other peoples bedrooms. And some of the things that they are into shocks even me, and I am pretty open-minded.

No of course I don't need Viagra. But I like it:)

Fat babies have no pride.

I regret the times I didn't tell someone to go fuck themselves a lot more then the times I did.

I fucking hate bathroom attendants. Do you know how annoying it is to have to look in your wallet while your standing at the urinal to see if you have any 1 dollar bills to tip the guy? Then after you look, you realize your smallest bill is a 20, and your not going to tip him 20, so now you have to intentionally not make eye contact with him when you wash your hands, and dry your hands on your pants. I don't think it makes a place more classy. I think it makes a place more annoying. Besides, who the fuck would want to work in a bathroom.

Tits are so much better then ass. I have an ass. And it's way nice then most girls. Gimme something I don't have.

Girls with daddy issues are the best in bed.

Its easy to make an older women happy. All you have to do is stay hard.

Retirement

2010-07-19T03:58:00.000-07:00

Today was bad, but it's not why. I never envisioned myself playing poker this much, and frankly, I don't want to. I want to do something else. I think I will play the WCOOP, and a few random events a year, and the wsop, and that is it. This grinding everyday is not for me. I have not achieved yet what I want to from poker (to be able to never work again) but I can live for a couple years off what I have. I don't do much now, but I want to start doing something. Start my own business, do something. I will still play, not calling it quits like some do, but to the extent that I do I never will again. Just don't desire it.

Busted Main

2010-07-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

Ran awful on day three.Had huge stack going in, couldnt get shit going and made a few mistakes. What can you do. Also, i feel bad about some of the things I have put on here. IF there is anyone I have offended, I am sorry.

Day 1c ended

2010-07-08T01:14:00.000-07:00

Ended day 1c with 100,100. pretty good day. but i wreck souls and had a table that was built for me to wreck so i kinda expected it.

2010-07-05T13:18:00.000-07:00

Crazy times

2010-07-05T13:17:00.001-07:00

Has an insane weekend. Let me give you an idea how insane.

Making chicks wobble like a bridge in an earthquake

2010-07-01T20:52:00.001-07:00

Grinding da pokers in vegas. Fucking amazing time. Overall I am up a tiny bit...down overall from mtts, up very tiny bit at cash, and up a significant amount in satelites...but counting drinking and such, i am probably down. W.e. One day I will update this blog with something of meaning,but today is not that day.

Everything

2010-06-16T19:26:00.000-07:00

My little brother won state POY in baseball. Congrats him. Haven't updated in a while, have a lot on my plate. A lot of things have happened lately, and I am glad for it. Pokers going well, I am actually on dinner break from the 2500 PLO right now, i am itm, and gonna ship it. Going to update once I do.

Some of my final table

2010-05-20T03:18:00.000-07:00

Mexico City

2010-05-20T02:20:00.000-07:00

In mexico city now. Looking forward to seeing you new places, ill keep ya'll updated

Tilted today

2010-05-10T22:47:00.000-07:00

Kind of embarrassing, being I just won all that money. But everything was going so awful, i couldnt help it. I am going to take a few days off again, go home, relax, workout, then come back for one more sunday this weekend. THis weekend tourneys are going to be life changing money, no way i can miss them> Then after that, its on the road again, to play some poker, and hangout. Will not be playing much online. Basically all my profit is coming on sundays as of late, so if i do at all, it will be on sundays. I still have a good feeling about this weekend, and last time I did I made a ton, so hopefully i can do it again.

2nd in a scoop

2010-05-03T22:35:00.001-07:00

I called it. I said I was going to win a scoop though. This was only 2nd. So I guess I have ot win another one.

2010-04-28T23:13:00.001-07:00

I roll my eyes when I hear people say, "How could we have seen it coming? You trust youth pastors with your children, how could they have molested them?" Ummm, duhh. Why do you think some people go into certain fields? Here are a few others: Youth Coaches, boy scouts, anything church related, some teachers, etc. Thats my rant for today. Dont be retarded.

How poker is going.

2010-04-26T00:06:00.001-07:00

81st in Sunday Million, JJ to AK king on river. Def hurt quite a bit, would be nice to be top 5 stack with 80 donkeys left in the sunday million, but alas it wasnt to be. Then I got 9th in the 500 150k on ub...fucked up to be honest...I was 1 of 12. Pretty painful. Also final 45 on Bodog 100k, lose another race. So I final tabled a major, beat out 9k people in the million, and pretty much made only a couple thousand. Just uber gay.But I am excited, May is coming up. may is going to be the biggest online month in poker history, and I am going to ship a scoop, and then win a bracelet in the summer.

Makes me wanna go back to Asia

2010-04-25T23:36:00.000-07:00

I uploaded the above picture, and they deleted it off facebook. Pretty rude imo. Don't even see what is inappropriate about it tbh. I just think its funny, and makes me wanna go back to Asia.

You can get with this, or you can get with that

2010-04-23T00:31:00.000-07:00

A little bit stressed, but I am pretty sure everything will end up ok. I just have a good general feeling about things. Have a lot of my plate right now, just dont really know how to make things work. Poker has been going decent. I am going to be grinding a lot here in a few days (Sunday obv) so I am taking a slight break. May is going to be the biggest online month ever, and I just have this gut feeling that I am going to start crushing. I feel another 6 digit score online in may. It will happen. I will make it happen. Besides that, my whole legal deal is finally getting taken care of. But all in all, its a lot of hours. Everything takes time.

Blazers are really looking awful. I am holding on to hope that Amare gets suspended for game two, giving the blazers a chance to tie the series, and maybe giving them a confidence boost.

Been watching my little brothers baseball season a lot. Things are going well. Hes hitting .510ish, with 4 homeruns in 49 at bats. Strange thing is, he has literally hit 7 balls off the fence this year that stayed in the park. One of them actually hit something behind the fence, and bounced back into play and the umps didnt see it. W/e. Here is another one of his homeruns here off of a lefty on a big, slow curveball. He will get drafted in the MLB draft this year, I just hope its high enough that it warrants him going as oppose to off to college at University of Portland (D1 WCC). To be honest, its what he wants too.

As for me, I am looking into buying a bar. But the problem is, its local. And I want to get out. Been here for a few months now, and a few months is plenty. But I dont want to pass up the opportunity to buy my first business. I dont know what to do...I am full of "dreams and aspirations"...and I knowI can make them happen, but the problem is actually setting my mind to something, and doing it.Going to be doing a lot more writing in the future, and I have always thought that creating a television show would be something I was good at. What I need to do, is to get rid of downtime. That is all of our downfall. If from sunrise, to sundown I was being productive, then there is no stopping me. The problem is, I am not at that point yet. I lay around too much. I have gotten much better at working out, just somehow havent killed the downtime. Too much time on the internet doing nothing. THats not to say that my time spend viewing porn is downtime. That is actually a very important part of my day, and necessary to mine, and any mans well being. While we are on the subject, here is another girl for ya. Now for some reason that picture went to the top. Frustrating, I wish I knew how to put it in the middle of the page. Sorry for the writing quality of this post...i am tired, drunk, and tired. Did I mention tired?

How much do you have to drink, to get banned from drinking?

2010-04-21T19:55:00.000-07:00

This lady, has skills, I admire her.

My lil bro going yard

2010-04-21T17:58:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aw001JEJfQ

Furthermore

2010-04-21T17:43:00.000-07:00

Furthermore I never edit my posts. So any grammatical errors, are, well, not going to be fixed. Here is another naked girl.

I kinda just wanna be naked

2010-04-21T17:35:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is, but for some reason I just like nudity. Seeing naked people, being naked myself, etc. I know I am an exhibitionist. I have a lot of causes (prisoners rights, promoting vegetarianism) , and in the future I think I am going to be doing more to promote nudity...primarily the rights of people to be naked. I mean, the female form is beautiful, can anyone argue with seeing more of what I have below? I mean even women can't think that doesn't look good. Support me in my fight to make more people (attractive ones) more naked, more often. I know naturism is all about being natural, and naked, and comfortable, but I am more arguing for seeing attractive people naked, the rest of em' I could do without. However, you can't have your cake and eat it too, so even they will be allowed to be naked. Goooo nudity.

2010-04-21T01:24:00.001-07:00

Leaving montreal

2010-04-19T02:37:00.001-07:00

Been in Montreal. Played a live tourney, busted, chilled with Aaron Lerner a poker playing buddy of mine. You might know him as one of the two twin poker players (Derek Lerner) who travel around to many venues. Had a good time, went out a few nights, but tjhe last two days, I just grinded like hell. Basically Saturday i final tabled like 6 tourneys, and got bad beat to hell in every single one. Big final tables, the 162 on stars, the 320 on UB, etc etc. Made a small profit, but when you final tale 2 tournys with 20k+ to first, and 6 tourneys total, a small profit sucks. Today I shipped my main event seat via 320 on cake. That made the day a profitable one, however I didnt do much anywhere, and reallygot gheyed to go from cl to out in the 500 on ub. Fml. Headed back to the USA in 2 hours or so, Going to get 2 hours of sleep. 4 hours of sleep total in last 80 hours. Heh. Going to be so busy when I come back....have a ton more community service to do by months end. Gl me.

Domestic Violence

2010-04-14T15:20:00.001-07:00

Bryce Harper

2010-04-10T22:05:00.000-07:00

For those of you who havent seen it, this is the guy who is going to be the first overall pick in the mlb draft this year. He is a 17 year old kid who left high school after his sophomore year to attend a Juco to make himself eligible for the ML draft faster. HE is a certain number one pick...this year in college he is hitting over 400 with 15 hrs, in a wood bat league. I think today, as a 17 year old, he could hit .275 with 30hrs in the major leagues. A lot of people are going to think thats crazy, but I honestly believe he will make the opening season roster in 2011, and possible be a late season call up this year in the major leagues, which would be before he turns 18.

Worst rap song ever?

2010-04-10T02:46:00.001-07:00

For old times sake

2010-04-10T02:08:00.001-07:00

Questions

2010-04-10T02:00:00.000-07:00

Should I buy a Scarface poster for my dorm room to put right next to my Bob Marley 4-20 poster? Or should it be next to my Tupac poster? Is Scarface the ‘Dave Matthews Band’ of movies? Should Obama pass a law protecting the rights of kids who ‘go viral’? What should I get high on? Should I find something new, not cough syrup so I don't sound retarded like Lil Wayne? Need a new drug. Something more ‘light hearted’ and more readily accessible than weed/ cocaine / the horse / tussin / meow meow / etc. Want a light hearted drug that fits in with my lifestyle. Wonder if computer duster is the same as Whip Cream cans. Is Northface really the best winter outdoor brand, or do people just like it because people like to be bros? Do people only like radiohead because they dont have opinions? What about new music? Do yall prefer ‘good’ relevant music or ’shitty’ relevant music?
Which type of music is more fulfilling?Is drug and alcohol free party really a party? Who actually likes to dress like the 80's? Here is who I think: Weird kids from the UK. Lost tweens in America. Normal people from the UK and Europe. Why do British people sound so stupid? Did they learn in school how to take their voice and make it sound as repulsive as possible? Would you fuck Sarah Palin? Are all buskers annoying because they all suck? Is curling the second most popular sport in Canada? Are Canadians more, or less intelligent then Australians? Whose worse looking, British or Mike Myers playing the british? Was Dominique Moceanu the gold standard of lolita Olympians? Could she really dunk? Are asians really intrigued by figure skating and cats? Are cats really entertaining? Is it true they can fly? How can a countries national pastime (Korea's speed skating) be something that doesn't really matter? Are whites finally backlashing against the poor whites who ‘believe in God’ and give educated whites a bad name? Should people that shop at Hot Topic be sterilized? Are razor blades really an Emo's best friend? Or do Emo's like dogs to? Do people really get off on hentai? Is "Would you do a line of coke off my cock the perfect pick up line? If not, what is? Would you fuck Snookie? Doesn't she look like she gives good head? Or is she just short and fat, and thats what most round people look like?

(Copied some of this shit from hipster runoff)

I went 2 buy a new iPad and got back in touch with society & humanity [via technology]

2010-04-10T01:43:00.001-07:00

OJJJJJJJJJJ

2010-04-10T01:35:00.000-07:00

Oh oh OJ. Cant believe you were the first choice for Terminator, but James Cameron vetoed you because you didnt look like a believable enough killer.

My secret is I put creatine in my cocaine

2010-04-10T01:28:00.001-07:00

I bet you couldn't guess what his favorite Dr. Seuss book is...

2010-04-10T01:19:00.001-07:00

Oh the humanity

2010-04-10T01:10:00.000-07:00

Stole most of these from look at this fucking hipster webpage

"What doood, I thought March Madness was some kinda sick dance party"

And this...

Is it weird that this makes me like Rihanna more?

2010-04-07T00:57:00.000-07:00

Pokerz

2010-04-06T02:50:00.000-07:00

I'm grinding like hell..and things are going good. 2 sundays ago I had a nice 18k cash in the 250k on cake (4th place) however lost AJ to
five seven to bust which sucked, especially on an A105 flop. Then since then I have had various deep finishes in tourneys, and am up roughly 35k in last 8 days. Today really hurt though, because I had a guy outchipped in a step 6 (G) for a seat to monte carlo 23k-4k HU and somehow managed to get bad beat and lose races to lose. 16k usd package. FML. W/e. IM over it. Somehow later managed to win another one of those 3x turbos, and somehow managed to not pay attention to what it was....a seat only in a tourney in Lima Peru during the wsop. But w/e, itll be just in time to play the 1k opening event, then leave for a week, then come back for some more events.

Very nice

2010-04-05T13:05:00.001-07:00

MojoFlix_Alexis-Dziena-In-Broken-Flower
Uploaded by limohowie. - Find more steamy, sexy videos.

One of my favorite songs

2010-04-05T13:00:00.000-07:00

Absolutely love this song, I know it's not something new, but if you buy CD's this is one to buy, or at least download.

Everytime I see anything Soprano related I get sad

2010-04-05T12:55:00.000-07:00

I just miss the Sopranos. Watching all the episodes was a part of my life. Outside of Breaking Bad, I can't find anything nearly as good on TV these days. When you see something from your past, it tends to bring back emotions, and as pathetic as it sounds, it sucks not having The Sopranos in my life anymore. Here is a season 1 trailer for those of you who haven't seen it...Please do.

I guess shit talkers get beat up. Sheesh

2010-04-05T12:52:00.000-07:00

Some songs for y'all

2010-03-31T21:28:00.000-07:00

Get:
Qwel-Chicago Barbeque
Drive By truckers-goddamn lonely love
Widespread panic- Driving Song
TV on the Radio-DLZ
Smile Empty Soul-bottom of the bottle

Man

2010-03-30T14:22:00.000-07:00

I am not a huge futbol fan. Much more of a footaball fan...but try playing fifa 10 and telling me its not the best game ever.

so

2010-03-23T11:46:00.000-07:00

Like two years ago I wrote that minraising will become the norm in tourney poker online...and it has. Its just amazing to me how idiotic some players are. Everyone insisted it would never happen, people would raise bigger if anything. Fucking retards. What makes sense, raising less to win the same amount or raising biggger?

This

2010-03-22T21:52:00.000-07:00

Poker has been going a little bit better...currently I am putting in a short sng session. Played tourneys all day, took an hour off, then started up a sng session. Standard day for a grinder. Heh, its all good. Won a small tourney for 4k today. THat was better then nothing, but with deep runs in majors the last few weeks its not much for making me feel better. It will soon. I can feel it.

Sitting, waiting, wishing

2010-03-16T03:33:00.000-07:00

Wishing I could report back something good. Like last night I had won the warm up, instead of bubbling the final table. Or that I had a day where I won all my races and had my big hands hold up...but I cant. Still hasn't happened. I am pretty sure it will, but it needs to be soon. Im going fucking crazy. Waking up early, going to bed late. Here is my day, wake up go to do community service at 10 get back at 415ish, because I have to walk since I lost my liscense. Immediately register for tourneys, play them all, bust out at like 10 because I cant seem to win shit. Get angry for a little bit, then ride a stationary bike and play sngs and watch the show Rescue Me. I have a good life...just not lately. Trying to get out of this stage of my life asap. Financially I am a mess, and nothing seems to be going right. Win a race here or there and everything is hunky dory..instead nada. Had been doing really well at HU sngs...that is, till today. Same fucking guy beat me 8 out of 9x. So painful. Usually I have a pretty good handle on poor opponents, winning a huge percentage of the time, but today, this guy sucked. Average buy in 26 fucking dollars taking a ton off me. Cant remember being that angry about a guy playing awful and winning since I played cash.

Poker isnt my life. I just want to get out of this hole I am in, and be able to move, and get my rehab/legal duties taken care of. Playing tired I never play well, yet I am in a perpetual state of tiredness, because I dont have any other route at this moment besides being busy 24/7. I am aging way to fast. Need to reverse it.

Catching up

2010-03-11T03:39:00.001-08:00

Haven't really writting much of anything for a while. For a few reasons, first, no one has been commenting on anything I right, thus leading me to believe, the despite getting a lot of hits, no one really cares what I have to say enough to lead a message. Second, not a whole lot has been going on. Stil involved in the same legal bullshit I have been entangled in for the last whoever knows how long. Sad really. I just want to get it all out of the way so I am free to do whatever I please. Poker has been going awful. I have been running poorly. There is no way you can convince me that negative thinking isn't the biggest contributing factor to poor performance. I dont care what people say...i know it makes no sense, but I stand by it. I just need to start expecting good things to happen again.

Just watched the Hurt Locker...good movie. However, I was left a bit unsatisified. I also just watched Sin Nombre, that was a great movie. However once again, the end was too predictable.

American Judicial system blows. 1 in 4 people in jail in the world are in the usa. Every year higher percentages of people go to jail, yet crime is down every year. How fucking retarded is that. I just hate the judicial system with a passion.

Carter speaks da troof.

2010-02-28T21:26:00.000-08:00

Alot of bad shit in this world. Things don't always work out as planned. Your going to get your heart broken, your money stolen, your teeth knocked out and your face swollen. Somedays the world is going to say fuck you. Make you sad, make you down. It always gets worse before it gets better. But your freerolling folks. Do whatever the fuck you want. If you dont care, then why not play real life frogger, or chug a bottle of jack, or tell everyone what you have been wanting to tell them ever since you have known them. What the fuck can it hurt? Its one big game anyway. There is no answer. Its multiple choice. Open ended. Sometimes you choose C and it was A, B, D or E, and the world says "FUCK YOU",but you know what the key is. You live. Sometimes your right, sometimes your wrong. But you live, thats the key. And you know what? Everyday above ground is a good day. Another chance to turn it all around.

Top 10 rap songs ever

2010-02-28T17:58:00.001-08:00

What are you giving up for lent?

2010-02-23T13:47:00.001-08:00

Now I am not catholic, but the practice of giving something up could be +EV.

First, I have decided to give up unprotected sex. I think that is crucial to my desire to not get anymore STD's, or STI's or whatever the fuck it is the fucking political correct police are calling it these days. Can't get aids twice.

Second, I have decided to give up illicit street drugs. This one has been a struggle, but they have me on methadone, which has really taken the edge off. And as any drug user knows, taking the edge off is what its all about. Sometimes its hard, but when I am not vomiting and convulsing on the bathroom floor, I can see the future. A life without drugs. Or at least 30 some odd more days.

Third, I have given up cross dressing. This one has been the toughest for me. The urge I feel in the deepest pits of my soul every time I walk by my moms closet to go in there and put on her jumpers and shoulder pads, is second to none. The way satin panties feel against your skin...Oops, back to topic. I am getting a bit carried away. However, I hope, that with some intense psychotherapy that I may, one day, be able to dress like a man. All the time.

Frustrated

2010-02-19T22:37:00.000-08:00

Had a bad day today. A really, really, bad day. Couldnt win a fucking hand. The blazers lost, etc. Just fucking everything. I am honestly thinking I am going to walk down the street and hope someone looks at me funny so I can just lay the fuck into them. Makes me feel fucking sick. Went into two fts 2 of 9, got 9th in both. Both woulda been good cashes. HAd so many other deep finishes too. Sfangry. Going to have take tomorrow off... but I just get so angry after a bad day. I hate losing, especially when I am playing awesome. Fuck all this shit. Wtf is wrong. Ft'ing the 17.5k on cake 2 of 5 times i played it, getting 11th and 15th the other two times. Wtf. Today I clearly lose two races at ft and bust. Same with UB, today with 10 left I lost QQ to J10 for 60 pct of the chips in play with 10 left. Win that hand gtee ship the tourney. I dont know what the fuck to do. How the fuk did the day turn out so bad? FML. NO feeling worse then to be killing like 4 tourneys, then all of a sudden have your day over and lose a ton of money. Just want to run well. I have had my good days, just need one more so I am not in this rut that I am in. Just ultra depressing.

Can't believe I used to do pull ups with 135lbs strapped to my waist

2010-02-09T10:44:00.000-08:00

Getting back in shape is a sobering experience. Trying to get my bodyfat down to under 8 pct. I have a long way to go, I have already dropped 15lbs, however when you quit being a gym rat, its amazing how quick you lose it. At one time I could do 28 pull ups, I weighed 230 then. I weigh around the same now, yet I can do only 10. I used to put 135lbs on a weight belt when I did them...now I use my body weight. This time however I am not really trying to get strong, or really big or anything. Now that I am no longer a competitive athlete being trim is more important then being heavily muscled. BMI is maybe the most retarded thing I have ever heard...the most important thing is waist measurement. Your waist should stay the same. At one point in my life I was 230 and fit, now I am 230 and heavy. People that go by weight are going by the wrong thing...its just a general idea. Measure your waist...mine is 5 inches bigger then it was last time I weighed 230. Thats how I know I am in a lot worse shape. No fear however, I will be in great shape by summer. And thats an absolute promise. And I do mean great shape. But on the BMI, when I was 215 i had like 8 pct bodyfat. 215 for being 6 1 is considered waaay overweight. The ideal weight is something like 175. I could never weigh 175. I would look like I was a Kenyan. I am trying to get down to like 190. I'll have good ab definition at 215. If i was 190 I would have vascular veins in my stomach.

I get pretty obsessed over things. I am an all or nothing kinda person. Right now, its all about fitness. Getting through the first two weeks of a program is the hardest part. If you can make it 2 weeks it just gets easier from there. My first two weeks I was just doing very basic workout, now I am turning it up a ton. When you dont have a job you have plenty of free time. 6 hours of working out a day? No problem. Join me, belly off. belly fat is responsible for nearly all health problems. Today I am biking 30 miles, running 5, walking 10. Lifting upper body (only 30 minutes) and putting in a short swim session (i am like the worst swimmer ever).

I am looking forward to getting this whole jail thing out of the way so I can move and spice up my workout life. Joining a rec basketball league, maybe even rec soccer. A gym (thinking an apartment complex) where I can workout daily, and sunshine so I have no problem spending most the day outside. I might even take a part time job just to add some variety/meet people since I am going far away from anyone I know. Probably bartending...even though I have no exp, and didnt go to school for it, i am sure that nearly anywhere would hire me. Simply put I know a ton about drinking, and know how to make drinks. Bartending school is just a recommendation and a waste of money if you already know wtf your doing.

Banned commercial that made me laugh

2010-02-03T20:59:00.001-08:00

76 things I am going to do in my life

2010-02-02T04:40:00.000-08:00

You always read peoples "bucket list", and most the time they turn out to be really lame. Except mine isn't. Mostly just because I am not lame, and most people are. There won't be any "Say I love you to someone and mean it" on my list, because that just sounds stupid. Besides, every time I say it I mean it. Most people mean in the romantic way, but even then, I do. If I tell someone I love them to get laid, it doesn't change the fact that at the moment I said it, I did love them. That's because I love just about anyone who is letting me put my penis in their vagina. Furthermore I will not call it a bucket list, because I refuse to give any respect to that godawful movie. Some of the things aren't really a big deal, just places I want to go, and one of many things I could do while I am there. Some of them, however are crucial.

1. Learn to surf. Something about surfing just seems like it would be so much fun to me. Just a sexy lifestyle.

2. Open a bar. This one should be crossed off my list soon...simply put I am always in a bar, and I know what people would want.

3. Complete a marathon. Now this is a very common one on peoples lists, because its such a test. Its not like a place you can go...its something you have to do. And as anyone has ran 10 miles before can testify to, 26.2 miles is a long ways.

4. Go to Burning Man. A festival of..something. A way of life. Just enjoying. "Trying to explain what Burning Man is to someone who has never been to the event is a bit like trying to explain what a particular color looks like to someone who is blind."

5. Motorcycle across the US. Just always wanted to. Take my time, see a few places. Figure out WTF is in the middle of the United States.

6. Carneval. Brazil. (I think that's how they spell it). Worlds biggest party...besides, its Brazil. Beautiful women, warm weather, amazing beaches.

7. Be able to do a gainer into a pool. Now I know this a strange one, but I am always in awe of people that can do a gainer.

8. Dunk a basketball again. I could when I 16-18...now I can hardly hang on it.

9. Jump in the Arctic Ocean. Just jump in for a brief second, and get a picture.

10. Go to Antarctica, thus completing my visit to all 7 continents. I know the 7th one doesn't really have much going on, but I am pretty sure that the cruise would make it all worth it.

11. La Tomatina. Tomato throwing festival in Spain. Any excuse to peg people with any object is alright by me.

12. Go to the running of the bulls again. The running of the bulls was fucking awesome. I spent 10 days there last time....its the biggest bloody fucking piss up I have ever been too. If you go, make sure you go for opening ceremonies. Its at 10 in the morning, but by that time everyone is already hammered and drinking Sangria and pouring it on other people. People will literally pour Sangria on your head, even if they have never seen you, or fountain it out of their own mouths on to you. It sounds disgusting. It kind of is. But its fucking fun. By 1 pm people are blacked out sleeping on the ground everywhere. And shit, I didn't even mention how big of a rush it is running from a bull.

13. Ride as a hop-on on a train, and just see where it takes me. Bring nothing. No money. No anything. See what happens.

14. Speak spanish fluently. Tired of being that gringo who only speaks english.

15. Backpack from San Diego to South Brazil. That is what I thought I would be doing right now, if I hadn't gotten my DUI's. I just know that would be a trip of a lifetime...spanish women are the best, and what could be more fun the surfing up and down the Latin coasts.

16. Be a nude live art model. As most people who know me know, I like being naked. (I have been to nudist beaches, and saunas and such, but I feel this would be the most intense way) But I feel like this would be different in the sense that you have to be immensely comfortable with yourself, because people are going to be drawing you, as you stand in front of them, naked.

17. Have a speaking line in a movie

18. Make a youtube video that gets 1 million hits. I don't know why I want to do this. Just to prove that I can? Marketing skills? Something.

19. Win a WSOP bracelet. I am not as into poker as I used to be...however, its the "pinnacle" of your profession, so I would be happy with a bracelet. If I could ever beat 6s with JJ 3 handed, I'd have one now:(

20. Go to the World cup, the superbowl, the world series, and the NBA Finals

21. Get beads for showing my penis at Mardi Gras (or just attend once more, except this time the tourist way)

22. Go on the Vodka train all the way through Russia, and Mongolia, amongst other places.

23. Be a member of the Jerry Springer audience, and succeed in getting in a fight with a guy on stage.

24. Get 86'd from a bar. Forever.

25. Love Parade, Germany. Whats better then people fucking in the street? If you answered nothing, you would be correct.

26. Disappear for a complete year with no contact with anyone barring a couple emails to tell people I am alive (but not where I am)

27. Grow my hair past my shoulders. It would probably look awful, but you don't know if you never try.(Probably while I have disappeared)

28. Go to the World cup, the superbowl, the world series, and the NBA Finals

29. Crowd surf. How could that not be as awesome as it looks?

30. Go 100 miles from home with no money, and just a trumpet, and perform on the street till I have enough money to buy a bus ticket home.

31. Run bay to breakers. Obvious enough reasons.

32. Ride a camel through the desert in Egypt.

33. Donate 6 months of my time to a country that needs it (thinking Haiti as soon as I get out of jail).

34. See U2, Styx, Elton John, Eminem, Jimmy Buffet and Garth Brooks in concert.

35. Attend a Summer and Winter Olympics.

36. Go to Oktoberfest with a group of friends. I have been there alone, but It would be waaaay better with some of my own peeps.

37. Have sex with a celebrity and videotape it. Not going to release it, but at least have the power too.

38. Fantasy Fest in Key West. Naked people. Swingers. On the beach in Florida. Nuff said.

39. Nudes-A-Poppin' Pageant, Indiana. Sensing a theme?

40. Be on a reality tv show, and make a complete mockery of it.

41. Go to Glastonbury music festival. Worlds biggest and best music festival. Not quite Woodstock, but nothing ever will be.

42. Save someones life. Can't think of anything more important.

43. Drive Route 66 in an old Caddy convertible.

44. Stay awake for 72 hours in Alaska during the nightless summer.

45. Stand at the North and South Pole

46. Streak at a sporting event in a place where I would not get in much legal trouble. I am just so anti- prudishness that people have about being naked. Your born naked, and you die naked. I can hear the skeptics, "You don't die naked"...well, if you plan it right you do.

47. Get insanely drunk at the Kentucky Derby.

48. Be that old creepy guy at spring break.

49. Perform stand up comedy in front of a bunch of people.

50. Hustle someone in something other then poker, i.e pool, golf,sidebets etc.

51. Participate in an orgy. Once in high school we had 6 people on 2 beds pushed together, but people were kind of staying to their own, so that doesn't count.

52. Spend time working for tips. If you are a man who does not tip, if you regularly stiff waiters and bartenders, then stop reading this because that means you are not really an adult, let alone a man. The tip is a tacit social contract that allows the proprietors to skip out on the burden of compensation.

53. Master a video game. I am not a video game guy. I never really ever play, but I think it would be pretty awesome to be a top ranked Fifa player.

54. Go to the worlds largest water fight, Thailand's Songkran.

55. Go to a Nascar race to find out how the fuck people can actually like it.

56. Get really drunk in Vegas and get married to a random.

57. Hanglide. Closest a person can get to flying.

58. Have 5 kids. At least.

59. Ride the Steel Dragon in Japan.

60. Live in NYC. Everyone says its so great. I need to know why.

61. Go to Cuba and smoke a Cuban Cigar after fucking a Cuban hooker.

62. Get my college degree. Even though its essentially useless for me, I mine as well have it.

63. Have my picture remain in a bar because of my legendary drinking and craziness. Permanently (it was up, but the fucking bastards took it down)

63. Run from the police on a bike. And get away.

64. Go daggering in Jamaica.

65. Spend 6 months training for Muay Thai in Thailand, then compete in one fight. Then quit.

66. Wear a thong on a beach in Brazil. Hey, everyone else does.

67. Create an alter personality and live as him. Preferably with an accent.

68. Crash a wedding. Fuck a bridesmaid.

69. Start a riot. Fuck the police. Fuck the judicial system. Fuck the laws. Its all one big joke. Everything needs to be started over...how the fuck are we still living by rules that were drawn up so many years ago.

70. However, I would like to perform a citizens arrest.

71. Moon on live National TV. Preferably on a show with Oprah on it.

72. Spin a globe once. Go where your finger lands. The next day. And stay.

73. Spend a day making people uncomfortable by taking pictures on a nude beach.

74. Be able to do an Iron Cross. That is the epitome of strength, if you can do that.

75. Use heroin. Hey..its my list, not yours.

76. Have my own TV show. This may be the hardest one to obtain, but also the one that I want to do the most. I just know that simply, I am more entertaining then 90 pct of the jokers on there now, and I know that I am creative enough that it would sell.

So concludes my list. A lot of people write out lists, but the difference is, I am actually going to do everything on mine.

What I got sentenced to

2010-01-28T16:25:00.001-08:00

A lot of you have been asking me about whats going on with my whole jail ordeal, well here it is: 16 days in Jail, 2 years probation, 80 hours community service, 4 days work crew, 5000 dollar fine, attend another alcohol diversion, likely live in rehab. The DL suspension isn't finalized, but looking like 3 years. I was... looking at up to a year in jail, so all in all, I guess its ok.

Rap doesn't get much better then this

2010-01-28T08:40:00.000-08:00

I used to do drugs, I still do, but I used to also

2010-01-28T08:23:00.000-08:00

Q. Whats more fun then watching a baby in a blender?

A. Jerking off to it

Your a sick fuck if you clicked the link ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ There is no way in hell I would actually put something there. I am twisted, but there is a fine line between telling jokes to make people uncomfortable, and actually being disturbed. I am the latter. Erm, wait...

A couple nights ago I was having this late night discussion with this guy about getting laid. Now I do quite well in that department, but lately not so much. Pussy is always my top priority, but in a different sorta way. Right now I am taking care of my legal responsibilities and trying to keep my ass out of jail. That takes precedent, however it all boils down to the same thing....pussy. Everything I do, albeit poker, working out (getting back into it), trying to make money, buying clothes, trying to stay out of jail, raping little boys, reading and writing, is all in an effort to attract the opposite sex, and get pussy (ok maybe not the raping little boys, that's mostly just for fun). But lately I have had to do stuff that directs from my main objective. That's what is going to deter me from getting arrested...not that I respect our laws or criminal system, but instead knowing that I can't get laid from jail. Well, I guess I could, but not with someone I am really trying to fuck. But it all boils down to the same thing, pussy. Everything a man does is in an effort to stay alive/ and or get some vagina. I heard somewhere that the desire to stay alive, and the desire to reproduce are the only two things that drive people. I think I heard it...maybe not. Maybe I just made it up, but regardless it sounds correct, so fuck off.

Its 9 in the morning, and I haven't even gone to sleep. Really been getting into working out and eating healthy again ( i mean i am a lifelong vegetarian, but I drank too much, and had too much dairy and such), but it kinda kills it when you dont sleep. Mostly been running, cutting back calories, and lifting.

I am going to become famous. I haven't decided how yet, but at some point in the next year millions of people will recognize me. I think I am going to become a reality tv star (oxymoron), to make a mockery of the whole process. Maybe get on Jersey Shore...being from Oregon. Move there, and fake it. I can get all juiced up in a couple months time, and shit I am usually that tan, and probably more forward. Hell, I dance better. Think how great of tv it would be? A guy whose pretending to be from Jersey, but in actually instead mocking them, who has absolutely no standards when it comes to fucking women.

Ten years from now, I will not be a poker player. I don't know what/where/who I will be, but I promise you this...it will have nothing to do with poker. Five years from now, I will still play most likely, but hopefully not more then 10 hours a week. But of course I hardly play that much now, and its my job, so I don't really know where I am going with that, except poker is not for me. Forever. I know a lot of people think that since I have had a 230k, 130k, 80k and 70k score in the last 18 months that poker is something that I should stick with...but I honestly believe I could be far more successful at something else, equally as fast. Just too creative. pz out for today.

oh and

2010-01-24T13:08:00.001-08:00

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker! The WBCOOP is a free online Poker tournament open to all Bloggers, so register on WBCOOP to play.

Registration code: 614979

Meh

2010-01-24T13:04:00.001-08:00

Thats about how I would describe my poker exp as of late. Mostly I am just trying to stay out of jail. Poker just kind of takes a back seat when you have that shit going on.

I'm not gay, but I wish I was if only to piss off the homophobes (and stay in shape)

2010-01-18T00:56:00.000-08:00

If you haven't noticed usually I write with no purpose. That isn't really a good thing. I am going to change. I think I am goign to try to make money doing something besides poker. Not sure what yet. Maybe I'll be a hit man. Maybe I will actually try to write well, and receive money from advertisements. Maybe I will be a pimp. Maybe I wont start three of the first 4 sentences with I, and 4 lines in a row with maybe. Maybe I will continue to write like Billy Madison.

"At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought"

The two easiest ways to make money in business are: Have a really good idea, or being willing to do something other people aren't willing to do. Not many people are trying to become a pimp. Myself, I do not have morals. Like, at all. And even if I did, prostitution is in my eyes completely moral. I would go as far as to say that its immoral not to fuck hookers. But that's must my point of view.

I am going to write my "bucket list." God I hate that expression. Mostly because the movie was godawful. However I am certain that the 100 things to do before I die (sigh)is going to be infinitely cooler then most peoples gayass list. And lol if you clicked that link. Next time I write gayass I promise it will be a lot more graphic. My list won't have shit like "Say I love you and mean it". First because that is just retarded. I mean clearly that is something that most people would want to do in their life, but to put that on your bucket list is stupid and corny. And also because I always mean it when I say it. Even if I am just trying to get pussy. I mean it at that very second. I do love them, even if I am just trying to blow my load on their face. I am finally starting to get a hold of this whole linking thing. I really think this could help me with my constant quest for attention. Oh and sorry about the links. In the future they will be more straight, and less offensive. Just thought the first time I really use them I should have fun with it. Do something.

Feminism Sucks Fat Cock

2010-01-17T23:58:00.000-08:00

" All sane people hate feminism, and no one hates feminism more than smart, successful, independent women who've made it on their own without all that idiotic "Sisterhood Is Powerful" groupthink crap. And if you are one of those fanatical weirdos who takes that Women's Studies stuff so seriously that you're offended by Stephen Green's sexist objectification of Christina Hendricks and her mighty bosom -- well, sweetheart, to paraphrase Rhett Butler: "You should be offended, and often, and by someone who knows how." "

Where I live

2010-01-11T22:58:00.001-08:00

TV Show'n it

2010-01-09T04:27:00.000-08:00

Up to a few things. First, working out. It has nothing to do with the new year however, mostly just that my working out is always cyclical. I always work out for a period of time, then get lazy again. However with jail coming up, i am going to fight right through it because I am definitely going to work out a ton in jail. There are a few things I am actually looking forward to in jail, first and primarily working out. I am going to get quite fit, and actually do a vegan diet while I am there (i am a lifelong vegetarian) just to further getting in shape. I am not actually in awful shape now, just not up to where I think I should be. Second I am looking forward to not being addicted to caffeine. I know its going to be hard at first going from as much caffeine as I consume to none, but hey, i can rest up on sleep too. Third I will be able to focus on reading a ton/coming up with new ideas for what I am doing with my life. Hell, I will have plenty of time to think in jail:)

A few days ago I was tired of reading all my friends bra color as their facebook status. So I came up with my own idea.

"I would like you to help me wage a war against breast cancer by emailing me a picture of your breasts at bhgill41@hotmail.com. For every picture i receive I will donate 20 dollars to a breast cancer charity. Don't be selfish. We can do it. You can help."

First it was sort of a joke, just trying to get my friends to send me pictures of their tits, until, a few did it. So I made the donation, so far I am at 5. My goal is 20 tits. 400 dollar donation to ttp://ww5.komen.org/. I will get my goal. So if your a female reading this (probably not many at this point) or if you have a nice picture of your girlfriends tits, just send them to me.

Been watching/ reading about tv shows. I do not know why I like reading about them so much, but I just really like reading reviews and analyzing them myself. So far my top TV shows in no particular order are:

The Sopranos
Arrested Development
Lost
Breaking Bad (probably my favorite)

Other shows I enjoy, but that I can't quite stick in that top category

Unsolved Mysteries (ok a diff kinda show, but still)
Family Guy
Entourage
Eastbound and Down
Scrubs
House

I keep on trying to watch The Wire, however I have not ever made it through episode two without turning it off...Just too slow for my liking. Right now I am watching the show Friday Night Lights, and from what I have seen enjoyed it, however I don't see how much of that type of show I could really like. All the "critics" always say that the show twin peaks is one of the top shows of all time, so I am going to def rent that asap. Also I have heard great things about Battlestar gallictica. That is def not my type of show, buuut I will give everythign a shot once, even though I would probably be embarrassed to like it. Also going to rent a show called Firefly, then most likely mad men.

Out of the shows I mentioned... If you haven't watched the Sopranos, its a must. You must watch it, and all of them. It wasn't until I had rented and watched all 6 seasons that it hit me... it hurt. It hurt to not be able to watch this show anymore. Arrested Development= funniest show ever. General public is stupid. Sigh. Wish it was still around, however there will be a 2011 show for the ones who realized how much better of a show this was then nearly anything else. Lost is absolutely amazing. I refused tow atch it for so long, but I did. And it was great. Nearly perfect show. So many questions about the final season and I am looking forward to a show, which is something I think I would never do. Breaking bad. My favorite show of all time. Sooo awesome and creative in so many ways. Just love it. Only been 2 seasons, 3rd season is this year. Please watch the episodes from first two seasons by renting, or streaming online. Season 3 needs your support.

It may be my opinion, but I am right

2010-01-04T14:45:00.001-08:00

Don't wear sunscreen. Its all smoke and mirrors, like Harry Houdini. Its self actualization, if you feel the need for sunscreen, then the negative thoughts you are thinking then are doing far more damage then the sun. And tan people look way better then pale, pasty people.

You don't know pain until you have taken too many Viagra and your erection wont go down.

Change how you look often. Looking the same all the time is boring.

Don't wear underwear. Only time I wear them is to bed, or around the house. You know how people say that boxers are way more comfortable then conventional underwear? Well free-balling or free-lippin' it, is way better then wearing underwear.

Chest hair is becoming sexy again. Back hair never will be, thats just gross. And pubic hair should always be well kept for men, and non existent for females. Unless its really neat and short, then, I guess, its ok.

The whole pubic hair trend that is going on in Northern Europe is just gross.

I'll call you out. Maybe some people like to sit there in peace, and never say anything, but I will call you out instantly. Your not going to pull one over on me. If your gonna talk shit behind my back, you had best believe that the second I find out I will confront you and ask you about it in public.

It is not acceptable to drive 2 mph over the speed limit, then accelerate 15 mph when the passing lane comes. Learn to fucking drive. And while we are on the subject, in two lane highways the cars that aren't passing are supposed to remain in the right lane, not the left. That lane is for passing. If your not driving faster then other cars, or in the process of passing get in the other fucking lane. No one likes the guy driving 58 in the left lane, and I promise if I am behind you I will make your life miserable and possibly run you off the road.

I went to a donkey show once. I don't know what I expected going into it, but it was exactly that. A donkey show. A girl fucking a donkey is not cool, and is completely and utterly disgusting.

The more piercings a girl has, the easier she is to fuck. No offense to the girls with 10 piercings, but your probably a whore. (I'm allowed to say that because I said no offense, when you say no offense, you can say anything, because you said "No offense") Not that its a bad thing, but I am certain on this correlation. Whorish women love to say that they are liberated, or free to do whatever they please, but stop kidding yourself. Your a slut. And its pretty easy to tell what a girl with a pierced tongue likes to do. To quote Chris Rock, "if a girl has a pierced tongue, she will probably suck your dick. If a guy has a pierced tongue, he will probably suck your dick."

Your probably going to get divorced. Sorry, just simple math. And if you don't get divorced, your probably going to wish you were. Sorry.

Don't live your whole life in the same place. I don't care if you like it, if you don't travel you will never know.

Care about how you look. There is nothing uglier then a girl who always wears sweat pants everywhere. There is no expression worse then "I am not trying to impress anyone." The people that say that are harboring the biggest insecurities. And even if don't, who cares, show some self respect. Its disrespectful to yourself to dress like a bum. Of course sometimes it is ok to dress like shit, but if you usually go out with sweat pants and no make up on its time to make a change.

Your pretty stupid when your young. But not as stupid as you are if your young and republican. Get that trickle down son.

Quit fucking asking me if I eat fish. I don't. I said I am a vegetarian. Do vegetarians eat fish? Please quit being retarded.

Its usually the politest, shyest, most conservatively dressed women that like it in the ass. I don't know what it is about them, but you get one of those girls home its usually face in the pillow, ass in the air before you even have a chance to get your pants off.

Most the women I have dated I have slept with the first time I hung out with them. And most the women I have dated turned out to be skanks. I think I need to date women before I fuck them. But its a classic win lose, because I am going to be trying my best to sleep with them, but
if I do, the relationship probably wont last.

The funniest jokes are about things that people can't change.

I think we are coming out of an ice age. While there is global warming, I do not think its anywhere near as extreme are people think it is. Drive your big truck. Transportation isn't the biggest problem. Its the...

Cows!!! Fuck the cows. Livestock are responsible for 18 percent of greenhouse gas emissions, a bigger share than that of transport. And that's not even the biggest problem, the livestock sector is by far the single largest anthropogenic user of land. Grazing occupies 26 percent of the Earth's terrestrial surface, while feed crop production requires about a third of all arable land. About 70 percent of all grazing land in dry areas is considered degraded, mostly because of overgrazing, compaction and erosion attributable to livestock activity. Livestock are responsible for 37% of anthropogenic methane (i.e. methane produced as a result of human activities). Methane is probably the biggest greenhouse gas problem with livestock. As a greenhouse gas methane is about 21 times more potent than carbon dioxide by weight. Rising world affluence translates into rising demand for meat and that means more cows, sheep, and other methane producers. So quit eating your cows. Or eat them one more time to wipe them off the planet, then never again. Cows are the biggest problem in the world, and I don't even think its close. They are the biggest environmental problem. They consume 70 percent of the worlds drinking water. They eat enough to feed every man women and child happily for their entire lifetime. Livestock takes up so much space that could be used for humans or other wildlife. Just think, Livestock...doesn't that just sound gross? Stock that is alive. Good fucking lord.

It's never to late to become a vegetarian.

You know why there are stereotypes? Because there is a general truth to them. Asians do have smaller penises, black guys do have bigger penises(except not bigger then mine:). Indian Americans do drink more Per capita. Asians in the US do score higher on standardized testing, African Americans naturally have bigger hips and ass. Your butt is a key component in running and jumping. Does this mean that all African Americans are athletic? No of course not. In the same way that not all Indians drink, and not all Asians have small penises (ok maybe thatones true). I am not saying to judge people before you meet them, just that there is truth to some predisposed ideas. That's why people have them. People need to quit confusing science with racism. In my eyes not being willing to talk about it is a form of racism. Racism will never go away until people are able to confront differences with an open mind, instead of shelling up and shying away from it.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes your ahead, sometimes your behind. The race is long, and in the end, its only with yourself.

My top 15 movies

2010-01-04T12:34:00.001-08:00

As follows is my list of the top 15 movies of all time. Keep in mind it is my list, and objective...but regardless, I am right:)

15. Changeling. I never thought I could think an Angelina Jolie movie could be one of the best movies of all time. And simply put, it couldn't, till Clint Eastwood signed his name on it. The end result was one of the best movies of all time. I held out for months before watching it, because the previews looked painfully boring. But the movie was anything but. Its about a mothers battle with the LAPD after her son is kidnapped, and the kid that is returned to her isn't hers. Its a true story, with the exception being that the true lady looked nothing like Angelina Jolie, but we can forgive them for that:)

14. Dirty Pretty Things. A movie about exploitation of immigrants, and true human worth. It is, in an essence a romantic drama, which is likely my LEAST favorite type of movie, however in this case it works quite well. The movie is in fact dirty and pretty, which a reminder of how much beauty can be in things that we would rather not see.

13. There will be blood. I don't even know why I like this movie so much. Part of it may be because I believe that I should like this movie so much. But one thing I do know, is the movie is amazing. Epic. Its hard to say why it is so great, so lets just let the critics say it for me. "Widely touted as a masterpiece, this sparse and sprawling epic about the underhanded "heroes of capitalism boasts incredible performances by leads Daniel Day-Lewis and Paul Dano, and is director Paul Thomas Anderson's best work to date." "There Will Be Blood establishes itself as a film of Darwinian ferocity, a stark and pitiless parable of American capitalism". "A force beyond categories." "A maddening epic with a towering, bravura performance from star Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood will rattle your brain for weeks, even months after you see it. " I guess that pretty much sums it up.

12. Wall-e. I don't really like animated movies. But this one is one of the best of all time. One of a few movies I have ever seen twice in the cinemas. The movie is completely genius and profound on so many levels. I told a few friends how great it was, and when they went to see it, they thought I was playing a sick joke on them. But frankly, they were wrong. The movie is awesome, and you have to be unintelligent to not appreciate the movie for what it is. A parable, that you'd have to be a robot to not have your heart melt for.

11. The Natural. Through and through I am a sports fan. And in my eyes not only is the Natural the best sport movie of all time, it is one of the top movies of all time. It makes me cry every time I see it. Its as an American movie as you can get through and through. A story of the rise, and of the fall, and lastly of redemption. And to me, there is nothing better then a story about redemption. And for a blonde, god is Robert Redford sexy.

10. 25th Hour. A Spike Lee picture. Spike Lee pictures are always excessive. Yet in this case, it works. Its an unusual movie, because it has neither a plot, or payoff. But in my eyes it is nearly perfectly made. It could be seen as an analogy for post 9-11 NYC, but I think it is something better, purer. About the choices we are all faced with, and how every choice has consequences, albeit good or bad. Edward Norton is the star, and the whole movie takes place the day before he goes to prison for 7 years for drug trafficking, and the choices he is faced with the day before.

9/8. Pulp Fiction/Jackie Brown. Now I know they are two entirely different movies. And while I nearly included Inglorious Basterds in my top 10, I have to stick by these two as my favorite Tarantino movies of all time. Pulp Fiction changed the movie making environment. It was the first of a whole new moving making genre, and the dialogue in the movie is, in my eyes, and in the eyes of many others, the best movie dialogue of all time. Over the top violence, yet in a way it is a comedy in the way many of his movies are tongue in cheek. In typical Tarantino fashion, it is all one giant fuck up of epic proportions with a complete ensemble cast. Its one of the biggest failures in the history of movie awards that the year this movie came out, so did Shawshank Redemption. Yet, Forest Gump won picture of the year. Sorry, excellent movie, but c'mon, giving that picture of the year over the other two is on par with saying Lil Wayne is a better rapper then Eminem. Sure some people believe it, but the ones that do are idiots. And for the record I like Lil Wayne. Pulp Fiction, and Jackie Brown both take characters and turn them into homages. And its awesome. The movie not only revisited previously near extinct genres, but it brought actors that were nearly extinct back into the limelight. Jackie Brown is a quite similar movie, and in my eyes as good. It's a little bit like laughing down a gun barrel.

7. Shawshank Redemption. IMDB's best movie of all time. It's a story of hope, and of redemption, and triumph. And that maybe, somewhere there is hope for everyone. It works as a metaphor for overcoming our own prison bars. A testament to the human spirit. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

6. No Country for Old Men. The Coen brothers best picture yet also has the best acting in any movie in the last 5 years. One of few movies I could literally watch on repeat and not get bored. No resolution. Sometimes the bad guy does win. The world is not a place of comfort, it is inherently full or risk, and unpredictable. The killer lives under a simpler, and maybe more true discipline. Maybe the most surprising ending in a movie in recent time. An existential, Nietzscheish movie. Tragedy is an affirmation of life.

5. Mystic River. Yes I would blow Clint Eastwood. "A thriller of great emotional power". "A masterpiece of the first order." Those are good ways of describing it. Sean Penn's best role ever. A movie about how the past always resonates, and how things are not always quite as they seem. Deep and disturbing as so many great movies are.

4. Back to the Future. The best adventure movie of all time. Or is it a comedy? Or a romance? Or science fiction? Whatever it is, I challenge anyone to dislike this movie. If has spawned many a copy cat movie, theme park rides, and is oft-quoted, and will always have a special place in most movie fans hearts. One of few movies on my list that is made for all ages. Hell even part 2 and 3 were worth watching. Clever, witty, awesome. One of the few family movies ever that enjoyed both critic and box office success. If you don't like Back to the Future, Its hard to believe that you like film at all.

3. American Beauty. Kevin Spacey stars in a role that was built for him. A man tired in the monotony of life, and eventually just snaps. The movie starts with a voice over about the day he days, and proceeds to not have a boring moment for the entire movie. A blood chilling dark comedy, that depicts the conflict in the true "moral" life in suburbia. You could laugh, or cry, or smile, or be moved in a way that nearly no other movie is capable of making you feel so many different ways.

2. Its a Wonderful Life. Perfectly made in every aspect. Its a classic upon which all classics are defined. A movie that holds up year after year, in a way many of the "classics" cannot. Not to take anything away from Citizen Kane, or Singing in the Rain, but simply put, those movies aren't as entertaining, and didn't have the true staying power of Its a Wonderful Life. "Moral courage, small-town American life, civic cooperation, and family love are glorified; corporate greed and self-involvement are vilified; at the climax, a blanket of snow like spun sugar makes everything pure and clean like redemption itself."

1. City of God. My pick for the greatest movie of all time. Stylized violence. Always the critics and general public's favorite type of movie, this movie attacks it in so many different levels. It takes an in depth look at a the life in the slums of Rio de Janeiro Brazil. outh gangs took over the slums of Rio de Janiero during the 1960s and didn't relinquish their stronghold until the mid-1980s. Only a sucker wouldn't have turned to crime and this is exactly how naive teen Rocket (Alexandre Rodrigues) views himself. The only problem is, he finds it his potential victims too nice. The movie is flawless. He develops a conscience, and isn't able to go through on the crime. He instead develops a conscience and tells the story of the blood-laden streets with a camera instead. Its long and difficult, but not for a second are you not entertained.

Honorable Mentions: The Godfather. Widely regarded as the best movie of all time, I have it quite close. Definitely top 15, however as much as I know I could be shunned for saying so, it is a bit slow, and to quote Peter from family guy, it "Insists upon itself" Vicky Christina Barcelona so completely not my type of movie. However for a Romance, I cant think of a movie that is truer to real life. Things aren't always rosy, and sometimes romance isn't two people, its 3, or 4, or 5, and it doesn't always work out in the end. Kids. About as dark, and painful as a movie can get, and dark is right up my alley.

Movies you wont find anywhere near my list: The Dark Knight. Sorry. Good movie. Hell I even own it, but top 10? You have to be fucking crazy. Hell its not even the best batman movie (batman begins triumphs it in every way). I wouldn't put it in the top 100. Entirely overrated. Not even the best superhero movie of the last 3 years (Iron Man was much, much better). Any Star Wars movie. Sorry. I like Star Wars but the only reason they are even ranked high is that generally speaking the type of people that rank movies are the same type of people that like Star Wars, sorry nerds. The Lord of the Rings. Ok, maybe I didn't give them a fair shot. But i cannot even be in the room when any of thsoe movies are showing. The only one I watched in the theaters (the third one i think, which most people think is the best one of them) went on about an hour and a half too long. The war was over, what the fuck was even going on?

That is my list. I would be interested in hearing any comments on my movie selections, including any yay or nay's. Since this was done of the top of my head, I would like to hear any obvious movie selections that I left out, or any disagreements. Since its near the holidays, if any of you guys haven't seen any of the movies on my list, I suggest that you go and rent and watch these movies while you have the time.

So

2010-01-04T12:32:00.000-08:00

I have some shit going on in my life these days, but once everything gets straightened out I am planning to make the move to cash games nearly exclusively. In the past I have been a tourney grinder, and I have decided that while I will still play online tourneys along with live, i will make cash games my primary form of income.

I am gonna stick my love in your eye baby

2009-12-14T05:15:00.001-08:00

So I am going to jail. Without getting into particulars, I got a second DUI (pending, but alleged) which caused a whole heap of other problems with pending diversions, hit and runs, etc. I have told some people, and to a T everyone tells me they are sorry. And if given the choice of jail, or no jail, I would most certainly choose no jail, non-withstanding it doesn't bother me that much. It would be a time for emotional, physical, and spiritual growth. And I can finally read a book. Hell, I am planning on writing one. Can't think of a better place to write a book then in 23 hour lock-down. Furthermore I deserve it. I have gotten away with a lot of shit in my life, and finally things have caught up to me. And that's fine. Live and learn. Anyone who thinks and acts the same at 23 as they did at 18 has wasted 5 years of his life. I am going to learn from it. And I can say with a certainty that when I come out, I will be a better person and ready to get on with life. You see I have big plans. So big that I would be embarrassed to tell anyone because they almost seem unrealistic. Like the little kid who says he is going grow up to be president. But the difference between me and most, is I am actually going to achieve it (not being president, but my goals). And I can say that with certainty.

Here is the thing, I am smart. Like, a lot smarter then you. Not in terms of what I could do academically at this point, but in terms of creativity and visualization. My ideas are second to none. Not to sound any more big-headed then I actually am, but its simply the truth. Its not illusory superiority. Its not the Lake Wobegon effect. 95 pct of people think they are smarter then average, and 90 pct think they are better looking then average. Except I actually am. And significantly so at that. That is why I need to quit treading water. I don't want to be the guy that had potential if he ever pulled his head out of his ass. That's the guy I was. I know people that would describe me like that. And that's fucked, and needs to, and will change.

I am experimenting with being more blunt. Now that sounds crazy to you guys, because most people think that I have never had a filter between my brain and my mouth, but now I am going to try things that I never did in the past. Case and point, awhile back on my flight from Portland to Atlanta i sat next to a very pretty older lady. She was from Peru, and probably mid to upper 30s. We were joking around a bit, and making small talk, but I couldn't keep from looking at her breasts. They were beautiful, and she was wearing an extremely low cut shirt. I am sure she noticed me looking, but never said anything and continued to joke around with me. Then this idea popped in my head, that I had been toying with the last couple weeks: Touch her breasts. Now I know that's a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen...but not if you ask her. So I did.

"Sorry ma'am, I know this sounds really weird to ask, but I'd kick myself later if I didn't. You have the most amazing breasts, and I was just wondering if they were fake or not?"

Her: "Oh wow, what a question, I guess that's a compliment. Thank you. They are definitely real."

Me: "No, they aren't."

Her: "Yes they are."

Me: "If they are real, can I touch them?"

Her: Ok.

Now while the blunt thing would be to ask it directly, that would also be a stupid way, and likely to get you slapped. The direct approach works, but in a situation when your asking a older lady you met an hour before to touch her breasts, the good thing to do is dance around it a bit. Oh, and they were awesome.

Here is my predicament, I would never get in a long-term serious relationship with someone I fucked the first or second time I hung out with them. But I wouldn't hangout with someone more then a couple times if I haven't already fucked them. That's what becomes a problem. Its a catch-22. I am stuck constantly dating ho's that I am not interested in any sort of relationship with. Because the girls that aren't ho's wont fuck me fast enough.

Here is some more random shit.

I think that after you have sex with a girl, the best thing to do is give her a high five. Simply say "hi five" and hold your hand up. Your partner will get the hint to slap it. If they don't, use your hand, which is up in the air already, to give your partner a swift slap to the face. This should knock some sense into them. Or another variation is shown below.

I really want to ride on a giraffe. If a guy riding on a giraffe tells you to do something, you do it.

Don't bore people with skydiving stories. They know the ending.

There are two types of people on earth. And one of them puts ketchup on eggs.

If you want to get to know someone, loan them money.

Fat babies have no pride.

Some people will volunteer for just about any job, no matter how crappy. Try to sit next to these people in meetings

Wash your sheets every Thursday. It's an optimistic way of going into the weekend.

If you're in a crowded situation that could turn into a riot and women aren't flashing their breasts, get out of there. I don't know if exposed breasts reflect a crowd's collective feeling or if the presence of breasts assuages a crowd's temper, but I do know this: No tits is trouble.

One in a row is a good start.

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.

NO bueno

2009-12-12T13:29:00.001-08:00

I am in Ireland. busted ukipt, very dissapointed with how shitty I have been playinng lately. I havent posted in a bit, because I have had a lot of issues in my life. Basically without getting into too much detail, I am going to jail for a few months here pretty soon. Essentially a second DUI. No bueno. But i am happy, and am optimistic. I am going to get in good shape. I take as a positive.

Just read my post below

2009-11-16T03:41:00.000-08:00

Just read my post below, and I sound like a little bitch. I have absolutely nothing to complain about. SO what if a few of my less talented co workers make more then me? I dont really care. I am happy, i enjoy my life. I have had so many wonderufl exps, and have some good people around me. I give thanks, not pity myself. I just imagine how good I have it compared to the vast majority of the world. And for that I am truly grateful.

Fucking Christ

2009-11-15T16:40:00.000-08:00

Worst fucking sunday i could imagine. Lost every all in, played nearly 50 tourneys and didnt cash in a single fucking one. Ran QQ into AA like a million times, and i was unable to get away from it when maybe I should of. In the million lost A10 to 310 aipf, then Aj to a7 to bust, after running qq into aa, and losing countless races. Just so depressing.How can I not win a single fucking hand when it matters. sigh, end rant. just ridic.

sooo

2009-11-12T22:03:00.000-08:00

havent really done much posting. actually been making a decent amount in poker while still not running that great. i tried to win the weekly tlb this week, failed, well barrring any huge wins manana or saturday if i decide to play. had a few good shots, but lost AA to 88 on 632 flop all in, which really hurt because even though i am making money, i want to make more dammit.

life wise i have ben going out alot and having fun, but at the same time, annoyed. my "bff" betrayed me, and that was fuckedu p. w.e. live and learn

I just dont give a fuck

2009-11-06T17:08:00.001-08:00

Thats how i differ from people...I honestly dont care. Ever. About anything.

2009-10-28T03:33:00.000-07:00

FML

2009-10-28T03:25:00.001-07:00

Had a shitty day? Read a few of these, make you feel better.

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I found out he was seeing someone behind my back: my ex-boyfriend. FML

Today, my teenage stepdaughters, as a punishment for refusing to buy them iphones, told my wife they saw me in town kissing an attractive blonde and grabbing her ass (all invented). She believed it and i'm single. I've been faithful and feeding the whole family for 10 years. FML

Today I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddly ressembled the sounds my wife makes in bed. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be mommy from last night." I was on a business trip last night. FML

Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML

Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML

Today, it's my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to Itunes. It came for free with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation. FML

Today, I went to my first strip club for my friends birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living. FML

Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. He told me that while he respected my personal choices, his patrons didn't feel comfortable with someone who used to be a man using the women's restroom. He thought I was a transsexual. I am a naturally-born female. FML

Today, I got a letter from Princeton that said i got accepted. I jumped for joy screaming at the top of my lungs. My little brother walks in laughing with his camcorder on record. He played a joke on me and gave me the real letter. I was denied. FML

Today, I found out who the father of my sister's 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML

Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML

Today, I got my phone taken up in school. The principal looked through my pictures, and found naked pictures of a girl on there. He called me into the office and tried to get me to tell him who it was. I had to explain to my principal the girl in the pictures was his daughter. FML

Today, I fainted on the sidewalk. When I woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone. FML

Today, I heard my newly divorced parents fighting about who gets to keep me. Neither of them want me. FML

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML

Today, I found out my mom is the nude model for an art class at my college. FML

Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML

Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML

Would like to say I have never done that..

2009-10-28T02:56:00.001-07:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Sexual Favor Fail

2009-10-28T02:37:00.002-07:00

Sexual Favor Fail on CollegeHumor

2009-10-28T02:37:00.001-07:00

This is a very respectable entry into the "Internet Burn Hall of Fame." on CollegeHumor

2009-10-28T02:32:00.001-07:00

See more of the internets best videos at CollegeHumors Web Celeb Hall of Fame.